Jasper Walls

a blog move

2010-12-21T12:51:00.000-06:00

my blog is moving to a new url. i think it will be permanent although i'm not positive. if you'd like to continue to keep up with me, please send me an email to melissa (at) melissairwin (dot) com and i'll send you the new link.

thank you to my readers!

A Sneak Peak - at my book

2010-12-18T07:39:00.000-06:00

Ok - so this is a big deal for me. Let me know what you think. I am writing a book. No I do not have a publisher nor have I made official contact with any publisher. I'm writing anyway. The chunks and meat of the book will remain a secret - and most of it is written. Now I am working to weave my personal story throughout the text to personalize it and offer transparency, life, humanity. Below is the essay the first of those essays.

THE ESSAYS

From The Wet Carpet

Even as I close my eyes today, I can float above myself as I lie on the floor then, in an almost out of body experience.

She was broken. Depleted. Horrified. And she was lying in a puddle of her heaviest tears. Her face was wet. Tears pooled up in the creases of her neck and the corners of her mouth. They say you can drown in no more than an inch of water. I say you can drown in your own tears. And she would say that she tried.

I try not to linger here above myself for long because it burns like a fresh wound. I see her wishing she were dead, and how thankful, overwhelmed and amazed am I that she is not. Praise Jesus. Only Jesus.

That pool of tears nearly drowning out the existence of her breath led her here to me, where I am now, basking in the light of the one who came to save.

As dreary and as hopeless as those moments were, they are the pin-point on my lifeline where I cried out to the Lord in one true gesture, a roaring desperate wail. I had been skeptically speaking to him for years. But this time he recognized the depth of my despair. He knew my lowest point was there on my lonely living room tear stained floor. He knew this time I would follow without doubt. He knew my white knuckled grip would not loose, though the white would slowly fade. He knew this was it. Melissa would finally lean into him, stretch outside of her comfort zone, pivot her focus onto his design and grow into maturity until His work in her would be complete. His… to the finish.

Divorce took me to the floor that time. Married after 8 ½ years of being a single mom to a then 9 year old, the spouse decided his commitment to his hobby was tied with a tighter rope. His decision to leave after a mere year was quick and simple. For me it was a death, a failure and an emptiness I pray never visits me again. But it cannot and it will not because every empty hole in my being was filled when Christ rescued me that day in the floor. The only emptiness left is the longing for my true home in the heavenly realm where no carpets are saturated with gut wrenching tears. Till then, there are praises to sing, prayers to raise, journeys to walk, lives to touch, messages to carry, and hope to spread.

He said, “come, follow me”. Let us.

snow

2010-12-13T15:15:00.000-06:00

Homegrown News

2010-12-12T16:53:00.000-06:00

About once a month I send out a Real Estate related newsletter via email to my contact database. Yesterday and today I have received many responses that my newsletter should be a blog post.... not a bad idea. And just for clarity - my real estate branding/logo is of a homegrown tomato - because i am a native Nashvillian and have branded myself as the Homegrown Realtor. Here ya go....

Tis the season to be jolly! And yet this season leaves a lot of our fellow man singing the blues. Foreclosures are still big news, as are unemployment, deaths of our troops, and the current political battles over taxes. Let's be honest, sometimes it is just flat out impossible to be jolly. The best way to improve our lives is to focus inward. I believe we create peace when we seek it. And I believe that joy is a choice, no matter what circumstances we may be facing.

In the past few weeks, my blog, my facebook page and my inbox have been filled with prayer requests. I've carried a lot in my heart lately and lifted up numerous prayers....ranging from relationships between mothers and daughters, sicknesses, surgeries, sons on the front line in Afghanistan, sudden job losses, deaths, and news of betrayals. This morning my children and I decorated our Christmas tree and as I sit here in my home office and smell the fresh sappy pine, I just cannot help but think of the people I know today who are fresh out of jolly. I'm reminded of the season, and the reason. If you celebrate Christmas you already know that the birth of Christ ushered in a season of hope. Where would we be without hope? So....if you cannot find your jolly today, my prayer is you will latch on to the hope ~ and hang on for dear life.

If you are jolly today, my encouragement to you is to spread it around. Pour it out like syrup all over someone else. Sticky sweet is a.o.k. and totally acceptable this time of year.

On the homegrown-front, I am so excited to have just sold a house with one of my buyer clients, and have two fresh listings with a couple of others coming up in Janurary. I'm keeping busy! I have also just celebrated the first offiicial Board of Directors meeting for the charitable organization I have started. And I've wiped tons of runny noses. (just keepin' it real). This might be the appropriate time to mention also that I wrestled a Christmas tree and won, although just barely.

Although I sell houses for a career, I'm well aware that a house cannot enrich a life. Only love can do that.

Love more!

Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays to all!

In Your Boat

2010-12-11T16:18:00.000-06:00

I was really young when I first sailed. And in fact, I didn't just sail. I raced. Some of our family friends owned sailboats and raced all the time. They had children my age and I was invited along. I remember having the real possible fear we would tip over. I slipped several times and I had to work hard without any training. It was fast paced and overwhelming. I remember getting queazy. In fact, I've thrown up off the side of many boats, including sailboats, speed boats, and ferry's. The most exciting place I ever tossed my cookies into the water was from a parasail.... but that is probably tmi. I also nearly drowned in an ocean near Savannah, Georgia. Not good times.

You can imagine, I'm not a big fan of water. It is beautiful. I respect it. But keep me out of it. Please.

In a body of water, far away from the shore is a intimidating and dangerous place to be. Whether lake, ocean or swamp, waters are deadly. Those boats we putter around in are barely a safety net. Engines break down. Leaks threaten. Sails tear. Communication can fail. And then there is the unknown underneath - traps, deadly animals, blades, and sometimes contaminants. Why does anyone really go out into the waters to begin with? I imagine it is for the beauty or for the solitude or for the quiet or for the mystery or for the sport and challenge of it. If this earth is two-thirds water the oceans and other bodies of water offer the best options for escape, despite the dangers.

Whether you love the waters and/or boating or not, I think we can all agree that waters are powerful, more powerful than we are. And no one can know your experience in your boat, unless they are in it with you. For decades I have heard variances of the saying "we're not in the same boat" or "but you're not in my boat". The deal is, we don't know if that boat is dark, if it is leaking, if it is surrounded by hungry sharks, if the engine stopped working, or the anchor just won't reach the bottom. We don't know if that boat is carrying 21 conflicting personalities or one lonely captain. That popular saying is used in everyday conversation and to me it makes a lot of sense. Indeed, we are not in the same boat.

It is raining a lot here today. I keep having a vision of boats, and as I presume is strongly influced by the Christmas season, I keep having visions of Jesus walking on the water to get back to the boat of His friends. The men were supposed to wait for Him in the boat at the shoreline while Jesus went up the mountain to pray. Instead, they drifted out a good distance from the shore. But there was no distance, truly no conditions that would hold Jesus back from walking out to join His friends in their boat.

No matter what our circumstances, Jesus will join with us in our boats. No distance nor darkness nor shark can keep Him from His beloved. You're not in this boat alone.

Backroads, Tennessee - part #2

2010-12-09T18:43:00.001-06:00

A few more photos from my backroads excursion the other day. I have just enjoyed these photos so much and couldn't resist posting more! Loving my camera! And the scenery of course.

My Issues with Santa

2010-12-08T12:08:00.002-06:00

I get absolutely no joy out of my kids believing in Santa. Oh how ready I am for some little rotten jerk in kindergarten to spoil it for my Asher. I just can't do it.

First of all, Asher believes that Santa or his elves can make anything, and therefore Asher should get anything and everything he asks for. When I tell him that Santa will only be bringing him one gift, he rebutts with, but last year Santa brought (some other kid) 5 toys, so why would he only bring me 1? Asher is also excited because he thinks all the orphans in Africa are getting presents from Santa - that Santa can bring them food, clothes, toys, and anything they need to live a better life.

I'm irritated on many levels. First - we are supposed to be celebrating the birth of Christ. And while it is fun to exchange gifts in the celebration of His amazing birth...... who on the planet has ever said "Oh I love my new diamond necklace in the name of the birth of sweet baby Jesus!" in the same breath? And what child has ever said "hey I got a transformer for Jesus' birthday!"?

The other irritating thing is the sheer competition between parents and Santa. First of all, money is an object. We do not have a Christmas budget. But even if we did have an endless budget.....how does one decide what will be from Santa and what will be from mom and dad? Does Santa automatically get to give the best gifts? I realize that I am competing with a myth, but for now, that myth is real to my kids. If I'm going to spend hard earned money on thoughtful gifts for my kids, I want them to know it is because I love them, not because some overweight jolly man who talks about Ho's thinks they are special. If we let one good gift come from Santa and the other, smaller, not as exciting gifts come from us....well.....that's not fair and I'm in the mood to throw a giant sized temper tantrum about it.

But what of this? This concerns me most of all. In this house, we talk about God on a almost daily basis. We teach our babes about Jesus and encourage their personal relationships. Asher talks to God and prays any time he feels like it. He has never met Jesus. Jesus has certainly not ever left anything for Asher under the Christmas tree. Once a year, we allow stories of Santa to come into our home and we go along with it. But we know Santa isn't real. Right now, to my 6 year old, both Santa and Jesus are real. When he discovers that Santa is not, in fact, real... what will that do to his belief about the other man he has not yet met? It worries me. It bugs me. And in some small way, it is ruining the season for me.

I've got 2 questions for you.

When did you learn the truth about Santa?

If applicable, how did your children find out?

HELP!

Backroads, Tennessee on an Overcast Day

2010-12-05T16:02:00.006-06:00

I know I've already posted once today, but I could not resist another. I spent my afternoon alone enjoying some backroads and messing around with my camera. I also experimented with my photo editing program that came with my MacBook. Except for my sinus headache, it has been a peaceful afternoon.

Wishing you all a happy week.

of a feather

2010-12-05T10:04:00.003-06:00

This year was the first in 4 years that I have boarded a four-wheeled vehicle and rolled across the hills of Tennessee, the flat marshy delta lands in Arkansas, and into the lone star state for Thanksgiving. I drove. The "moms" was in the passenger seat and those monkey boys rode along in the back.

I've never minded driving through Arkansas. Arkansas is my second home. While it may bore some, I absolutely love driving through Arkansas at different times of the year just to see the crops in their various stages. I love it. Love it. In October I was there and saw the most gorgeous ripe, yet unpicked cotton field. Gorgeous. It makes me want to grow cotton in my backyard. But driving through in late November isn't much to write home about. Except when geese are migrating.

The interstate is more like highway and it is lined on both sides moreso with crop lands than with hills, trees or buildings. From a distance I could see something happening in the sky and upon approach it became clear that it was birds. And then it became clear it was geese. Like you, I have seen geese migrate before. They fly through Nashville, naturally...(music city). I have seen them in flocks of 10 -20, flying in their V formation, often with one odd man out. I've seen it. And I love to see it. They seem so simple yet so incredible. But in my life I have never seen what I saw this year, the day before Thanksgiving. My mom and I both dropped our jaws to the floor of the 4x4. Thousands of geese. Literally, I pinky swear....between 2,000 - 3,000 geese. About 1/2 were in the air and the other half on the ground in a large cleared out cotton field. I slowed down to a bicycle pace to see if my eyes were deceiving me and they were not. I realize that they couldn't have been trying to set the Guiness Book of World Records for the largest ever flock of geese - but that they were many flocks come together, traveling in the same direction for a warmer winter destination. I was shocked by it. Moved by it. And blessed by it.

I wonder how one goose felt to know she was gathered together for the same purpose, with the same birds of her feather. I bet she knew she wasn't alone. And all she had to do to know this was to look to the sky.

We are not geese, although sometimes I sound like one when I laugh. But this I know...while I cannot always look up or look down to find the flock I belong to, I know that I am not alone. I am not the only woman who got pregnant at the age of 18, married and divorced in 1 year, and raised a child as a single mom. I'm not the only one who struggles with weight. I'm not the only one who struggles to express my faith. I'm not the only one with a dysfunctional family. I'm not the only one raising a special needs child. I'm not the only one with a list of sins from my past that I'd rather not discuss. I'm not the only one estranged from a parent. I'm not the only one who has suffered heartbreak by a best friend. I'm not the only one who rolls my eyes at my husband and snaps at my children....nope I'm not the only one who is weak. I'm not the only one who loses sleep over orphans in Africa and in the world, and I'm not the only one who still wants "more" out of this life. So, if I'm not alone, then you are not alone either.

This all ends with a new beginning. And like the geese, I suggest we stay focused on that destination and I suggest we keep tabs on our flocks. They need us and we need them. We are birds of one feather. We, who love Jesus.

word purge

2010-11-30T06:55:00.002-06:00

Thanksgiving was wonderful, in Texas with my family. Thank you family. AND, I got to meet a precious blogging friend in Fort Worth - a very special treat. Thank you Sarah, for your time and your heart. You blessed me!

I am in the home stretch of completing my continuing education for my real estate broker license requirements. I will be finished this week. Praise God! I am so over it. I have to complete 2 courses today and then just one more tomorrow night and then I am done. This will bless my life tremendously.

My sweetest Tater Tot will be 6 years old on Saturday. 6. I truly hate that number. Go away number. I can't hardly stand what is happening. Day by day my boys get bigger and older. It's the hardest part about parenting. This Saturday we are celebrating with a party at a crazy place. It's our first for this, as all of our parties have been in our home. Asher is stoked. Because he is 6. And that is par for the course, for a 6 year old. Dangit.

I sold a house yesterday. A treasured friend and someone who is in my business network referred a precious couple to me a couple of weeks ago. We have been on the hunt and yesterday they scored a deal to purchase their first home. I got the sweetest email from them yesterday thanking me for all that I have done to help them in this process. I sat in my car (at a red light) and red that precious, humbling email from them and was immediately covered in goose bumps and a praise was released from my lips. I am so thankful when my involvment impacts a life. I am so deeply grateful and humbled by that. Sometimes my clients don't even realize the value that I add to their experience. So when I receive those verbal and written rewards, I rejoice. I'm so thankful. I know I said that already but I am so thankful.

I'm not ready for Christmas. Have not decorated. Have not shopped. After Asher's birthday, must get busy with that.

This is a crazy chaotic season for many. I'm praying for the peace and the truth of Christmas to rest in our hearts. I'm praying we are celebrating the majesty of the birth of Jesus. My personal prayer for myself is that I will rejoice in His name, His power and His glory daily through the Christmas season. He is the reason I live, the reason that I hope, the reason that I serve and the reason that I love.

Is He your reason?

I pray so.

Shawn and the Gunk Song

2010-11-22T16:00:00.002-06:00

My Thankful Post

2010-11-22T06:26:00.002-06:00

I am thankful most days. I don't really know any other way to live life without going completely insane. Because there is plenty in this world to be discouraged about. If you watch the news you know we are in a world plagued by evil and hatred. And if you read the Bible, you know this is no surprise. My list today isn't cutsie or fantastical. But my list is what I hold onto.

I am thankful for;

mailboxes in the USA and a mostly reliable postal system
hot cafeteria food for my kids
carpet - even if it is dingy
clothes - even if they are too tight
calories - even though they are my enemy
my husband, for his heart - certainly not for his communication skills
that my oldest son still calls me "momma" - sometimes
text messages and emails from Zimbabwe
friends who can lift my spirits - even when my spirits don't need lifting
that i get to be mommy to asher and shawn ~ a gift even beyond my own comprehension
the broken road that got me here
birds, flowers and trees
little fingerprints on walls and doors
kitchen walls splattered with yogurt
my dreams and imagination
music - Lord Heaven where would i be without music?
that i cannot escpae thoughts of Zim - day and night, day and night, day and night
family - near & far
hope
love
Heaven
Jesus

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

Just Can't Get Enough

2010-11-17T08:43:00.002-06:00

Invisible Blog Post

2010-11-16T15:23:00.002-06:00

Would y'all believe I have written 2 blog posts in the past two weeks that I just didn't publish? I am seriously not doing well with follow through at the moment. Argghh...

But here is the deal. I'm just busy and a little too busy at that, and it's mostly with stuff that isn't enjoyable so along with the business of busy'ness also comes stress and dread and that brings on fatigue and overwhelming feelings of blech! Our family has also been a little sickly with sinus/allergy problems, runny noses, etc. I think we are better now. The boys are fantastic...full of joy and blessing me every day. Joe is slammed busy with his work right now, but praising God that his hotel (employer) has been restored from the flood damage and is officially back open and better than ever.

I am sorry that my blog is ever so dull lately. When I complete my continuing education for real estate I'll return to blogging more regularly. Until then, if you don't hear from me, happy Thanksgiving to all.

Now, if I remember to press "publish post" this one won't be invisible. Here goes nothing...

The God of Disappointment

2010-11-06T10:32:00.004-05:00

I hear it a lot.

There are many versions of "the church turned on me" when I went through _________.

Or, "I lost my faith when this Christian or that Christian betrayed me."

Or, "Christians are hypocrites, so why would I want to believe in their God!"

These are the challenges that face me lately. How do I explain that there are two heartbeats inside of me? Mine...and....HIS. How do I prove that? I cannot. I just cannot. Is it enough that I'm not who I was? Maybe it is for anyone who knew me then, but what about those who only know me now? How can they see the resemblance of His good if all they are looking for is my sin?

Matthew 10:21-22 speaks a hard truth of those who love and revere the Lord God Almighty in the name of Jesus, the Lamb of God. It's hard and it is real.

Jesus spoke these words:

"Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved."

He may as well have said, your family isn't going to agree with you just because they are family. Your children may choose a different belief. Those friends of yours on facebook, some of them want to vomit every time you type my name. Some of your blog readers think you are a blubbering idiot. Your neighbors think you are over the top and your co-workers find you annoying, just because you love me. Secretely and overtly you are hated by some and will continue to be hated. They will hate you because they oppose me and they are not comfortable with your love for me. They deny me and they will take that out on you. But stand up strong my child because my love covers you. I have given you my hope, my comfort and my counselor. Stand up and don't be afraid to be hated. Yeah, He might as well have just come out and said that.

It is a challenge for certain to walk into an invitation for hate. The challenge isn't in processing the feeling, and not even in showing love anyway. The challenge is to understand and accept that this is the way that it is and the way it will always be. The challenge is in wanting to fix it. I want to help people "get" that the god of disappointment is nothing more than man. We are the gods of disappointment. We are the gods of betrayal. We are the gods of let down. We are the gods of hypocrisy. We are the gods of lies and deceit.

People who do not believe in the mighty name of Jesus will watch us like hawks to catch us in our stumbling. They believe that when we fail, God has failed. If they bother to give Him a name at all, they will only utter it in tones of disappointment. When we get called out, He gets called out. And we WILL get called out, you can pretty much bet on that. True or false, perception is everything.

Recently I attended an awards ceremony at my childrens' school. Sitting in front of me was a mom and a little sister of some child in that packed room. The little girl was probably 3 and she was displaying some annoying behaviors. In a flash of wisdom I pegged her mom as being aloof, as she probably displays similar behaviors in her adult life and doesn't even realize that they are bad. You know, as in the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Then I recalled several days ago at the ballfield when one of my very own children acted in a way I didn't teach, I didn't model, and I do not condone. In that case, that apple had fallen off a completely different tree. Right? I'm reminded that not even in the power of my own intentional influence, can I ensure that my children will behave appropriately. This is never more frustrating than when your child is throwing a public tempor tantrum over something that doesn't even make sense. There are no telling how many other moms and dads jumped to the conclusion that the stem of my little apple was still clinging to my branch.

We are just like this with our Father. Sometimes we act out because of stresses and pressures that we fail to keep in check with the Spirit. Sometimes we lose our ever loving minds kicking and screaming until we can finally regain composure. What others don't often see are our closed door repenting, the lessons learned, and the grace. So, instead of marveling at God's mercy and grace, they marvel at this:

my tantrum = God's tantrum
my lie = God's lie
my deceit = God's deceit
my judgement = God's judgement
my unforgiveness = God's unforgiveness
my greed = God's greed
my failures = God's failure

God begins to look like the god of disappointment. People HATE to be disappointed. People will deny God because we dissapoint them. People will spend eternity apart from God and apart from us because some human proclaiming Christ will let them down. They will believe that He respresents us in our "bad" rather than we represent Him in our "good". One bad apple spoils the entire bushel. There are some really rotten apples out there, and so to some, it makes us all stink. And really, who doesn't hate a rotten apple?

I have no idea where this blog post is coming from. I'm not experiencing "hate" that I know of. I'm just more and more aware of how a relationship with God through Christ requires commitment for spiritual transformation. There are imposters because there is evil in this world. The bible says that Satan is the prince of this world and it is evident that he has some power. And he will continue to until his head gets squashed. I know that I cannot save anyone. Only God can do that. But the devil has created imposters all over this earth who damage the credibility of Christ. This is no shock to the God of the universe. He knows what's up. And He knows that you and me, those of us who sincerely love Him, He knows that we are trying to shine light in the darkest of places and He knows this is no easy task. The lights we shine, the love we share and the hope we spread is not wasted. It is never wasted. It is never for naught. It has a purpose all day every day. Let us not give up. We don't have to see the fruit here...we hope to but we may not. Let us just not give up. He didn't. In Him there is no disappointment.

The Worst Place In The World

2010-11-05T17:21:00.001-05:00

Zimbabwe voted worst country in the world to live in. This article was provided by a UN source on 11/4....yea, just yesterday.

A Friday in November

2010-11-05T09:35:00.003-05:00

It's Friday. I have so much on my plate. No, that's not the case. I have too many plates going right now. I guess that means I have so much on each of about 4 plates. Yea, that is more accurate.

But I am excited. So very excited.

In no certain order, my plates are:

1. Real Estate. I am in the process of ramping up my business and marketing plans to implement a bigger business. This excites me more than I can express.

2. Plate 2 is the charitable organization I have started. I will reveal this in more detail soon, but I am humbled by what is ahead, and I am ecstatic about the opportunities. I'm thankful that for at least this moment in time I am standing in the middle of God's will with no fear. No fear. No worries. No fear. I am in His hands and all of my projects are in His hands. This is a wild and exciting place to be.

3. My 3rd plate is like a collectors item. I don't have to have it, but I like it. I am working on writing a book. I am making progress. I have made absolutely zero professional connections in this arena. I do not have a publisher, and no one out there is issuing deadlines and waiting on the edge of their seats for my manuscript. But I am writing and believing that God will use this plate to help serve plate #2. And I just have to say "Glory be". I am happy.

4. Obviously while 1-3 are taking up much of my frazzled mind at the moment, I never cease to be mommy and wife. I take the blessings of my family for granted every day. All day every day. But sometimes like now, in the quiet of a moment, with the crisp air washing over my fingers, I can stare across the room to the blank wall and see images of my children dancing as if on a film. I see my oldest son finding his footing, even if walking in clunky boots. I see my husband working his behind off at work and garnering attention of leaders who value him. And what'doyaknow? I see fingerprints. Oily, smudged finger prints that need to be washed off with a cloth asap oh Lord somebody get me a wet cloth.... I just can't keep these walls clean. Where was I? Oh, yea....................... the blessings of family.

My sweet young friends in Zim are taking their final exams soon which means most of the kids are completing high school and will have to start taking care of themselves, with little opportunity. My heart is breaking over this.

There is my update. Please share your updates with me. :-)

Romans 10:14-15

2010-11-02T09:12:00.003-05:00

**First my apologies for being so quiet at my blog. I'm so busy getting caught up on real estate continuing education, starting a charitable organization, and eating Halloween candy. I am also writing more and more, just not on my blog. Thanks to those of you who check in periodically. I'm well.**

Chapter 7 of Radical by David Platt gets into the nitty gritty of reaching the people groups who have not heard the gospels. He titled this chapter "There Is No Plan B", meaning, there is only one way to Heaven. You can't have the backup plan of doing good deeds, no backup plan of equality and universalism. My pastor says this alot "Good people don't go to Heaven. Forgiven people go to Heaven". The Bible says this forgiveness has to come from a genuine act of faith in God through Jesus. Faith ~ forgiveness ~ salvation. This is THE plan and there is no plan B. And this plan was created for every human being, and unfortunately there are 1.5 billion people on this planet who have never heard this message. God has made us to be disciples and ambassadors. We shouldn't be confused or unclear as to what God's will for us is. He has made it abundently clear in His word. Jesus taught it with clear verbal instructions. If you and I have been saved by the grace of God, if we are putting our trust and hope in Christ, then our calling is clear - spread the good news. Mr. Platt puts it boldly on page 160 "The will of God is for you and me to give our lives urgently and recklessly to making the gospel and the glory of God known among all peoples, particularly those who have never even heard of Jesus." For me the key words are the descriptives: urgently and recklessly.

I don't believe that we can predict when Jesus will return. But based on scriptures I can state that I believe Jesus won't return until all of the people groups have been reached. The scriptures show us that people from every tribe, language and nation will be represented in Heaven. Heaven will house His people. He does not discriminate...as He has called peoples from (say it with me) every TRIBE, LANGUAGE AND NATION. And just who is going to reach every tribe, language and nation to tell them about Christ? Christians are. I, like so many of you, am eager for Jesus to return. Life is hard. It is daunting if we are perfectly honest. We are surrounded by evil. We have children who must grow up and function in this awful world and who will face many trials, pains and awful suffering. I want Christ to return, like, yesterday. I have said it many times "Jesus, come quick!". Those of us who believe in Heaven with a passion are pretty eager to get there. We're ready for this earth to be destroyed and to just get on with it....right? Some of you are confused right now but many of you are saying "Amen" right about now because you are as eager as I am to move on to eternity. We can't. Not until God's mission is perfectly completed. I believe this is what Mr. Platt refers to when he uses words like "urgently and recklessly". The sooner the gospel reaches the unreached, the sooner Christ can come for us. Until all of His people have been reached, we can just continue to live in this world and die in this world. I don't know about you, but that gives me good reason to want to live urgently and recklessly to the message of Christ. I'm eager for all of creation to praise His Holy Name.

Mr. Platt says "God has saved you and me by His grace. He has not only given us knowledge about Christ, but he has also give us the presence of Christ and the promise of Christ to provide us with everything we need to take the gospel to them...... There is no injustice in God. The injustice lies in Christians who possess the gospel and refuse to give their lives to making it known among those who haven't heard."

That is uncomfortable. We don't like it. But we shouldn't be afraid to reach the unreached for Jesus. We shouldn't be afraid to give sacrifically of our finances to support missionaries to go out and do this very thing. We should be afraid of the persistence of the evil in this world that will not ultimately be defeated until God's plan is completed and perfect. There is no plan B.

***Two things - go visit Marla's site to read more about chapter 7.

***Go visit Pastor Pete Wilson who wrote an incredible book called "Plan B". I highly recommend the book. His use of the phrase "plan B" is used simply to show us that God has a different plan for us than the one we have for ourselves. And when we are in the midst of living through something we never expected, God is with us.

How Much is Enough?

2010-10-26T15:15:00.004-05:00

Chapter 6 of "Radical" by David Platt. Subtitle of chapter - American Wealth and a World of Poverty

Even the poor in our country have a fighting chance. Why? Government programs such as food stamps, WIC, government subsidized housing, free school lunches, homeless shelters, soup kitchens. Yes even our poor are wealthy. I will even go as far as to say that the homeless who beg on the street corners are wealthy...because they will dig through garbage and find food. My friends in Africa can't dig through garbage to find food, because no one in Africa throws food away. And my introduction to the slums in the Dominican Republic revealed family upon family living in tin shacks, amidst raw sewage. They seemed to be eating only what the local Christians were bringing them. No foodstamps.

This chapter did an incredible job of not condemning the wealthy because money isn't bad. Money isn't at fault. What is at the heart of the handler?

Oh so many quotable pages in this chapter. Here is one paragraph that I had to underline twice.

pg 110

"Yet, while caring for the poor is not the basis of our salvation, this does not mean that our use of wealth is totally disconnected from our salvation. Indeed caring for the poor (among other things) is evidence of our salvation. The faith in Christ that saves us from our sins involves an internal transformation that has external implications. According to Jesus, you can tell someone is a follower of Christ by the fruit of his or her life, and the writers of the New Testament show us that the fruit of faith in Christ involves material concern for the poor. Caring for the poor is one natural overflow and a necessary evidence of the presence of Christ in our hearts. If there is no sign of caring for the poor in our lives, then there is reason to at least question whether Christ is in our hearts."

Where is our allegience? Is it to our net worth and jingling coins? Is it to the shiny oversized stuff in our homes? Do we really care more about hi-def than we do about the starving man, woman, and child who will die in the middle of the night because they couldn't find the scraps a few thousand miles away in our garbage cans? The amount of food in my fridge over the next month that will go bad could have saved at least 1 life. There are people in 3rd world nations today dying of thirst who would proudly drink the clean water out of our toilets, but instead will cup sewage into their dirty hands and sip it, and share it with their babies. Many of them will die from the toxins, but they will drink it anyway because they are so thirsty.

Poverty is not okay. We all need to do more than what we are currently doing. There is really no excuse. There is nothing you or I need today that is worth more than feeding the hungry. Nothing. And we can trust Jesus with this. The question is, can He trust us with this?

David Platt boldly suggests that the way we spend our money is a "barometer of our present spiritual condition".

I think the reality is this, American Christians have a tendency to ignore what scriptures say about money, about feeding the hungry, helping the poor, and about serving orphans and widows. In other words, we are uncomfortable with the truth and so we only hold on to the bits and pieces of it that we can comfortably live with. Until we embrace the truth of scriptures, the whole 9 yards of it...we're just living on a condensed version void of the Living Waters.

John 7:38 "Whoever believes in me, as the scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him."

Go read more at Marla's site, the host of the book study!

Where Emily Blanche Rests

2010-10-26T03:55:00.004-05:00

For most of my life, she lived on a gravel road. Her old country house had a sleeping porch. She wore dresses from rummage sales and her kitchen always smelled like homegrown veggies simmering on the stove. She had more gum than teeth but that never kept her from smiling. She was loud, oh Lord have mercy she was so so so loud. There was not much of a decibal range whether she was shouting for joy or just plain shoutin'. I only got to visit her a couple of times a year and I can clearly remember those tight squeezes....because sometimes they were over the top and cut off my breathing, but all in all I survived and she would boil over.

I can remember when she would be disappointed too. If I got a boo boo, her "AHH NOOOO" would wake up the neighbors, except that her only neighbors were cows and bulls and I reckon they didn't mind too much.

I remember watching her juggle several pots and pans on the stove and in the oven, the old country kitchen kind of oven....and she would put an entire stick of butter in everything.

I didn't go to her funeral. She died when I was a young adult. I couldn't recall if I was 19, 20, or 23. I don't recall the date of her death. I do remember that she got to meet Spencer when he was just a baby. I didn't go to her funeral either because I didn't have the money to travel, or possibly because I wasn't getting along with my dad, her son. I just don't remember.

But the past couple of times I have traveled to her home town in Arkansas, I have tried to find her gravesite. With some of my aunts and uncles, I have combed 3 cemeteries with no luck finding her. Until the past weekend. On Saturday October 23rd, I found my grandma. I was by myself. As I was driving to the cemetery I finally knew was her burial place, memories of her flooded my mind and tears welled up on several occasions. When I finally pulled up the truck and stepped out onto the gravel driveway in front of an old condemned church, and walked the grounds of a tiny old cemetery, I couldn't help but cry out "grandma i'm so sorry i didn't go to your funeral". I found her. And I am only writing this blog post because she did something really amazing and sweet. She led me to herself on the exact date of the 20th anniversary of her death. I told you she was loud. I had no idea I would find her on the anniversary of her death.

I spent 45 minutes bawling my eyes out in her resting place. God rest her sweet loud soul.

Foreclosure - this post is for everyone

2010-10-25T11:01:00.003-05:00

Is it just me or are we becoming numb to the foreclosure crisis? I am a real estate professional and so I hear so much about people losing their homes. And of course, there are headline stories daily about the crisis. Some choose to just walk away from their homes and intentionally get foreclosed on because they didn't have much equity anyway. The environment is currently a somewhat forgiveable one, because after all, it is happening in somewhat of a widespread epidemic. (is that the right word?) People are talking about it...because it is the norm. I know many people have either lost their home or walked away, figuring in 7 years or less they can start over anyway.

But here is a new twist I hadn't heard of before.

I have a real life friend in Georgia who is facing the loss of her home next month. November 11 to be exact. And the details are ridiculous. See, my friend and her husband have mostly always had plenty of money, with much to spare. They have been generous beyond words, for decades. They have worked incredibly hard, given much, saved responsibly and yada yada yada. They live very humbly in a small house on about 5 acres, and they raise pot bellied pigs for goodness sakes. They drive pick-up trucks and they boil crawfish for visitors. Good peeps. Fairly simple peeps. Generous peeps. They are Catholic, for those of you who need to know.

When the market crashed, they lost everything but their house. No more retirement and savings. They sold everything they had of value. It didn't happen overnight, but they ended up with nothing left but each other and their humble home. They are both still working very hard, but in very low paying jobs. Several months ago they adjusted their mortgage payments to come out weekly, as they were now living week to week and it seemed easier. Long story short...their mortgage company didn't apply those payments, but rather accrued them in escrow. Now they are behind (bank's fault) and they have been charged ridiculous amounts in attorney fees (for the bank). They are $2,000 from being foreclosed on Nov 11. These are good people. And they have been my dear friends for 21 years. The wife of this duo is the only one on the planet who came to visit me (from a distance) after Shawn was a few weeks old to take a reading on my mental stability. She was ready to scoop me up off the floor if I had sunk into it. She held my sweet little baby and smiled into his slightly crossed eyes. She kissed his separated toes and snuggled him up to her own bosom, with the greatest of love. She held my hand and did the same. This is just how she is. She is everybody's momma hen.

But because she is everybody else's momma hen, she didn't let us know she was in trouble, until now.

Yes, she is fighting the bank and if I know her at all, she will eventually win...but she won't win before November 11. Can you help me save her house? Her home.

Here is my plea....if you have food in the fridge and your rent or mortage payment is not going to be behind this month and next month...... if you've bought an expensive coffee lately, downloaded some itunes, or purchased your kids a halloween costume, will you help save this home? Thank you.

Contact me and I'll either tell you how you can mail money to them directly, or send to me and I'll get it there. And yes, I'm helping too. My goal is to raise $1,500 by Friday 10/29. YES WE CAN DO IT! God bless you all.

my boys and uncle bucky

2010-10-24T17:05:00.003-05:00

We traveled to northeast Arkansas this weekend for me to work on some official secret undercover business. But while there, we visited family. My boys loved every minute with Uncle Rick (aka Bucky - per Shawn) and especially rides on the "tractor".

My Favoite Color

2010-10-21T09:07:00.003-05:00

My favorite color has been green for a long time. I don't know why...it is just my favorite. Oddly however, I do not live a green lifestyle. I do not recycle unless it is made extremely easy for me. I have not been concerned about my carbon footprint, mostly because I didn't understand it. This past week I have been participating in a real estate seminar to keep up with my continuing education requirements...and to be educated about "green" home features and to learn how to save some money. I learned so much more. I'm horrified, overwhelmed and thrilled. Knowledge is power. I have already changed out most of our lightbulbs to the compact flourescents (CFL's) with the Energy Star label. I am making some immediate changes in our home with regards to conservation and recycling. I pray to God I will never throw a piece of plastic, being container or wrapper or anything plastic ever into the trash again. I might as well just throw garbage into the ocean. Oh how sad. Did you know that plastic never goes away. Never. It never biodegrades. Never. We must recycle plastic. Watch this very very short video, please.

Are you throwing plastic into your trashcan?

Lately

2010-10-17T18:49:00.002-05:00

Asher has been playing T-ball this fall. Shawn does not like to sit in the bleachers and watch his big brother and all the other children play play play. After the games, we let Shawn run out onto the ball field. He goes wild. See.

Here is one of Asher up to bat!

Shawn being Shawn.

Asher chill'axin at the playground.

Shawnie finally taking his thumb out of his mouth for a happy face photo.

This is just what we've been up to lately.

The Multiplying Community

2010-10-12T08:51:00.004-05:00

I was so busy last week that I did not write a blog post about chapter 4 of the book "Radical" by David Platt. And of course, that may have been one of the best chapters of the book. It was titled "The Great Why of God - God's global purpose from the beginning till today". I will come back to that chapter in a later post....but before writing out my thoughts and emotions on the current chapter, #5....I just want to share a subtitle in chapter #4....just to get you in the mood.

...page 69 = JESUS DIDN'T DIE FOR JUST YOU

ouch

Chapter 5 "The Multiplying Community" comes as somewhat of a relief to me. The subtitle of this chapter is "How All of Us Join Together To Fulfill God's Purpose".

In the past, here on my blog, I have written about many revelations I have experienced by way of the Holy Spirit over time. I remember receiving a word about God's big picture and little picture. I believe most of us live in our own personal photo book. Most of us view our lives as what takes places primarily inside of our walls. Our lives are about our families, ourselves, our friends, our jobs and our unique experiences. I think we need to realize that if Jesus kept photo albums, they wouldn't be of your family. If he were collecting photo albums, they would contain photos of every one of His chosen ones.....and there are several photo books empty and numerous shelves to fill. They aren't empty because He doesn't know whose photo belongs in the book. They are empty because those haven't come to know Him yet....or at least not enough to want to pose for a portrait. In kindergarten theory.......Jesus has given each of us a camera and given us an assignment. He's waiting for His lost children to be ministered to. He is waiting for each tribe to hear His name. He is waiting for the remainder of His children to line up with photo in hand and to say "here is my photo, Jesus...please save it in your book of life".

My original post on this was quite different. You can click here to read it.

The phenomenal part of this chapter to me, which I read several times, is the simple reality that Jesus spent His time here on earth making disciples. He made disciples. He focused on 12 men and out of those 12, He made 11 disciples. Those disciples made disciples, and then those disciples made disciples, and then those disciples.....and so on. I am a disciple today because of this multiplying community effect. Jesus is not asking me necessarily to be responsible for "saving " people.... I can't save people because I am not Jesus. He wants me and you to intentionally share our hearts about Him.... and to be available for questioning. He calls us to teach....not necessarily to large crowds, but to one at a time. But more than making a believer....He calls us to make disciples. The multiplying effect is how the gospel spreads and reaches to the unreachable. Numbers. And it isn't about the numbers in churches....it is about the numbers in the world. Church matters A LOT....(the BRIDE of Christ) but this chapter asks if we are just receivers of the word? (i.e. at church) or are we REPRODUCERS of the word? If all we do is listen, swallow and digest.....are we just zooming in on ourselves? Shouldn't we zoom out?

One of my favorite quotes from this chapter is about reproducing the word of God.... "It is multiplying because the people of God are no longer listening as if His Word is intended to stop with them. They are now living as if God's Word is intended to spread through them."

Is His word spreading through you?

Why is this a relief to me? Because saving the world doesn't mean I have to do something monumentally humongous. My hands don't have to touch every orphan in Africa. I don't have to stand at a podium or do the conference circuit. I don't have to struggle to be heard. I don't have to write a book (although I still want to) and I don't have to blog everyday. Me....little ole me..... I just have to be intentional on a small scale. I do have to be intentional, though.

Discipling isn't about convincing people to believe what you believe. Discipling isn't about being right. Discipling is quite simply knowing that you know that you know that Jesus is real, that Heaven awaits, and being desperately eager to expose this truth to others so that they too can know forgiveness, hope, peace, grace, mercy, love and a perfect, everlasting, eternity with God.

Go visit Marla's page where she is hosting the discussion via other blogs about this book, this chapter. And stick around....she has a great blog! MARLA

super sweet pea's

2010-10-11T11:00:00.000-05:00

Camping

2010-10-10T13:17:00.002-05:00

The Irwins went on our first ever family camping trip yesterday. Joe grilled our dinner and all 4 of us slept in a tent, on 1 queen and 1 twin air mattress. Except for one middle of the night dramatic episode a la Asher Tater Tot - everything went beautifully. This morning after breakfast we went hiking.

My only complaint about our camping excursion is that Mr. Irwin has some funky food packing strategies. Next time...I'll be packing the food. But at least we do all agree that there will be a next time.

Now it is on to our church picnic this afternoon. YeeHaw!

Hope you all had a beautiful weekend.

blogger block

2010-10-08T19:03:00.003-05:00

I guess we can just call it "blogger block".

I am just sure I have something to say. I'm sure of it. I'm mean, of course I do! Right?

Ok, maybe not.

So....here are some photos instead. Happy weekend.

Hay

2010-10-06T12:44:00.002-05:00

My day yesterday involved a lot of this.

And a little of this.

Would you believe me if I told you I crossed a river on horseback?

It was glorious.

40 Years 1 Day

2010-10-04T08:27:00.002-05:00

I never thought I would make it to 40, and I have no idea why that is. I have had an eerie feeling for a couple of decades that my life would be short. It still could be, but for whatever reason, 40 was the magic number for me. I have not lived in fear. I have still boarded airplanes and driven on the interstate. 2 or 3 summers ago I went parasailing. And while my eerie feeling hasn't stopped me from doing things that might be dangerous, the thoughts have hovered just around the perimeter of the active part of my imagination. Today I am free from that.

Maybe now you can know why I have had near panic attacks in Africa when boarding my planes to come home. The narrower the gap to "40" the more powerful my imagination. These past few weeks have been slightly stressful. I had not shared this with anyone. Not my hubs, not my best friends....no one. About 10 years ago, I did share this with my Aunt Brenda. She was very sick with cancer and we were talking about death, and in a weak moment I told her my eerie feeling. She has now been gone for 8 years.

So, today my feet are 40 years old and 1 day, as are my hands, my hair, my eyes, my teeth and my heart. Today isn't just the day after my birthday. Today is new life with no more eerie feelings. I am so thankful to be here. So thankful.

learning love

2010-10-01T06:47:00.003-05:00

I'm overwhelmed these days by the love in my life, both going out and coming in. I have a very sweet, special, dances to the beat of her own rhythm, tender, brave friend who I haven't really known for long, and rarely get to see but maybe once every 2 or 3 months.....well I met her for lunch yesterday. When we meet, our time is brief and mostly intense. I can't say no to her. If she called me and said, "hey girl come meet me at the spot in the dark wood where the moonbeams sear through the leaves and shines a light on the path.....for 20 minutes at midnight".... i would probably do it. I'm gripped by her presence. Yesterday, for nearly 30 minutes straight, we talked about "love". The conversation just went there. And not just any love.....but the way that God truly transforms us, almost magically, not only by loving us.....but by infusing us with His love and making it possible for us to love others. We sat in a quaint, perfect, eating establishment in a dern near perfect town square. It was full... bustling with noise and conversation, forks ringing against sweet small white ceramic platters, laughter, business speak, food orders, and footsteps on crickety wooden floors. We shared our thoughts and experiences on the miracle of God's love. Between the things that we shared, as well as love portions that we poured forth......the more vivid the picture in my minds' eye comes into focus on the deep, true commands of love in scripture. If Jesus commands us to love people who are difficult (if not impossible) to love, then it must also be true that He makes it possible.

Love, grace, mercy, forgiveness and compassion.....these are not things you and I are truly capable of. We have not the strength to conjure up the truest expressions of these gifts, aside from what the Spirit gives us. I feel sad for those who believe God no longer performs miracles. When your heart has been cleansed of hate, bitterness, envy, malice, disdain and a whole host of other uglies.......God didn't just perform a miracle....He flat out transformed the world again.

My friend and I parted ways to rush back to the lives that manage our children, spiff up our walls, sorts through closets and weeds the garden. And as if my afternoon hadn't been picturesque enough, my journey back involved backroads, rolling hills, fall air sweeping through the car while my long'ish hair floated up and out of the moonroof....and a little Patty Griffin in my speakers. All I could see were faces......faces of the women in my life who soak up a little of me and pour out much of themselves. One by one the faces of my friends passed through my mind. Having lost 2 wayward girlfriends in the past for reasons unknown, an iron gate around my heart has been difficult to pass through. But I don't think its there anymore. I see love all around. I am in awe as I sit with friends, here and there, girlfriends who love Jesus.... and I know that He is in them. He is on their insides. He appears in their thoughts and He provides the love in those sweet warm embraces. The very love He commands, He provides. He makes impossible love, possible.

boys irregular

2010-09-28T16:23:00.000-05:00

The End of Me - take 17

2010-09-28T08:42:00.002-05:00

So, I haven't updated in a solid week, and there is good reason. I have had nothing to say. In fact, I have started 2 posts and couldn't even finish them. . But I am here today because of my commitment to post something weekly about the book "Radical" by David Platt, in connection with another blog you can see HERE.

The truth is I think I am being quiet because the Holy Spirit just might have my tongue. I'm screaming on the inside, but nothing comes out.

Chapter #3 of this bold and brave book is entitled "Beginning At The End of Ourselves" The Importance Of Relying on God's Power.

I'm gonna say it again, people. This book is a must read.

This chapter was a real struggle for me because I could be guilty right this very minute of searching for, needing and relying on the strength of my own power. Both intellectually and spiritually, I would not normally be caught guilty of claiming my own strength, power, ability, wisdom, etc. In your face and out of my mouth, the words always fall "It is all from God" no matter what the topic may be. I would quickly credit HIM for my coping mechanisms, my parenting abilities, my mad negotiating skillz in Real Estate, and for my family. I will not wait to proclaim HIS name and HIS glory when I have traveled as a solo missionary into lands that I do not know. Even the relationships I have formed in Africa.....they know GOD is the reason for my love and my support. They don't credit "Melissa" any more than I do, which is nada.

but....

BUT.....

here I am in Nashville, TN working with an attorney to start a non-profit to aid orphans and what am I doing? I am relying on myself. I am trying to make myself smarter by studying more about non-profits so I can run an effecient organization that I am in control of. I am somehow thinking that I am going to have to impress people to give and blah blah blah. At exactly what point did I drop off Jesus on this path and think that I could steer? OH, this makes me so frustrated with myself. I am such a dork. The "beginning" of this is at the end of "me". I just can't jump back in and be my own idol. Seriously.........it scares me that I can be this guilty of the thing I am so turned off by.

The author does an eloquent and just hard core real job of describing the church in Acts, and comparing it with our American standards....and oh how opposite they are. He says he longs to be a part of a church that looks like the New Testament truly functioned. In one sentence alone my heart was pierced by a powerful conviction. He states that he dreams of a "scene where we refuse to operate in a mind-set dominated by an American dream that depends on what we can achieve with our own abilities."..."A scene where the church radically trusts in God's great power to provide unlikely people with unlimited, unforeseen, uninhibited resources to make his name known as great!" Ok, that was 2 sentences...but you get it.

Bottom line, we live in a society where we are taught we can be powerful, achieve successes, accomplish impressive things....and we are taught that we can achieve through education, work, etc. These things are not bad....not bad at all. But until we realize that the reality that God received the greatest "glories" through the commitments of simple, unassuming, faithful men and women....it would seem that almost the opposite of what we have believed is true. The presumably MOST POWERFUL people on this earth in reality are most likely the least. Because, if Oprah does something great....Oprah is getting all the attention. She is being celebrated, loved, adored, butt-kissed, praised....... oh my......"praised". People in the highest places do a little thunder stealing. I don't want to steal thunder. I don't want to intercept some praises. I want to want to just reach the end of me so I can really experience that beginning of craving with desperation, the power of the one true Holy God. If I could just lie down on my face and rise up with the Spirit.....then a life lived for Him can truly begin. And there is nothing I can do to assure that I lack nothing. Only He can assure me of that, and only if I duck and get out of the way of praise.

Heavenly Father I have choices in this world. I can go my own way, and even in doing so I might be successful. I might achieve and knock peoples socks off along the way. I can live large and I can enjoy fine things. You will allow me this if I so desperately seek it. Lord, I want less. I want much less. I want to not be so significant to myself when I wake up in the morning and glance at my calender. I want everything that I do to honor you. I want to be invisible when your light is shining. The children were fed, praise YOU Lord. The school fees were raised, praise YOU Lord. The mouths of the orphans spoke your great name, praise YOU Lord. The addiction was conquered, praise YOU Lord. The marriage was healed, praise YOU Lord. Shawn utters words, can draw and L and is learning colors and ABC's despite his cognitive disability.....praise YOU Lord. If there is any power in me Father, let it be Yours. If there is love in me, let it speak of You. Please heavenly Father let today be the end of me. "rid of myself Lord I belong to You.....lead me to the cross".

Praise ye Jesus,

Amen

Trailing Behind

2010-09-21T05:38:00.001-05:00

I have already finished the book "Radical" by David Platt. And, if I must confess, I have also started and finished "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan...all in the past few days. But I am going back each week and reading a chapter over to keep up my participation in the book club over at www.MarlaTaviano.com. This week is all about Chapter #2 - Too Hungry For Words.

- Trailing Behind -

Have you ever had to follow someone in your car because you were not sure of the directions? I bet we've all done this a time or two. But what about this? Have you ever followed someone and you discovered you actually had a better sense of direction than he/she did? You can sense you are going the wrong way, but you are still following them anyway? You are thinking that in your commitment to stay right behind them, somehow, some way, you'll all eventually end up in the right place. Even if you have to take some wrong turns, detours...and even if someone else eventually has to take on the lead. This might work if you are just trying to get from point A to point B on the map. But this doesn't work on the journey to Heaven.

After reading chapter #2 of Radical, I realize I have trailed behind some leaders who were going the wrong way. And by leaders, I don't mean my church...I just mean..anyone who I have assigned the trustworthy button to. I have read scriptures over and over and over. I have read and contemplated many verses about "falling away". I read those verses and they make me nervous. In my heart I search those things....but I rarely raise a question. SO many people who label themselves as Christians believe that if you "accept" Christ you are saved and that this is something that cannot be stripped from you. This may be true...but what is our definition of "saved"? And this is where it all falls apart. In our culture, we think being saved is making a statement, speaking an invitation, and repeating a prayer. The Scripture explanation of a true follower of Christ, is not.that.simple. Jesus isn't waiting for our acceptance. He doesn't need that. He is only leading those who are "God-centered, Christ-exalting, and self-denying". (modified from pg. 39)

I have also repeatedly read the verses in the gospels about Jesus sermon on the Mount. It CLEARLY says that there are many many many "believers" will say at the end of times, "Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles? Then I will tell them plainly, I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!". But what have I done with what I have read in the scriptures? My guilt is in going with the flow. Did I read it? Yes. Is it fairly straightforward? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Why? Because from my observation in life with other Christians...no one ever seems concerned about that scripture. We all just say, if you accept Christ, you are going to Heaven. And we leave it at that. I have ignored those verses because I don't like them.

The author of this book has been brave enough, radical enough to say...I don't believe that everyone who believes they are a Christian is indeed a Christian. And you know what...I don't either. I haven't believed it for a long time, and it just isn't the sort of thing you can say outloud. You (I) will be accused of judging and awarding ourselves the title of holier than thou. **And please don't misunderstand this. I'm not saying I have a list of people that I don't believe are going to heaven even though they are professed Christians. I am saying that I agree with the author when he states, based on scriptures, that many will be shocked in the end to find out they were on the wide path to hell rather than the narrow road to Heaven. Not saying we can point those people out...nor should we ever try.**

I just don't want to be one of those who is shocked to land in the pit.

Faith should be radical, not minimal. Our faith should look like thirst and hunger for God. When we have been offered eternity, we should so long to receive that promise that we would be willing to abandon everything earthly and worldly to follow and experience God. No other response to the gospel is adequate. I don't want to trail behind other Christians and ignore the clear messages of scripture that are often omitted or dismissed for being too radical. If we are guilty of following other Christians under the guise of following Christ, we'll go down the wrong road without even knowing it....and it will not just neatly end up in the right place, eventually. When facing the God of Heaven from the gates of hell.....we can't use excuses like "well my church never showed me that passage" or "I was sure Paula was a Christian and I did everything she taught me". It's not gonna fly like that. We *are* supposed to fellowship, be the church, encourage one another, teach, preach, etc..... that is the church. Being the body of Christ involves the entire body of Christ. But as for scripture, the gospels, and learning to live like Christ, allowing through surrender our very selves to be transformed into His likeness...well those are things that we just can't take each others word for. There is only one Word that speaks perfect truth. "And the Word became flesh." Jesus it the Word. When you surrender yourself in radical faith and devotion to the One who sacrificed His life for your sin and the sin of the entire world, you receive the gift of His true and Holy Spirit to indwell in your being, your heart, your mind, your conscience. When this happens...when this really happens, your heart is then radically transformed. It is undeniable and it is unavoidable. You will be made new. If you are not new. If you are not changed. If you are not desperately yearning for and longing to know God, you might be an evildoer. That sayeth the Scriptures.

I would like to be able to say that at many times while I have studied the scripture on my own, I have become acutely aware of some hard truths and that I have risked everything to crusade. I haven't. I wish I could say that when scriptures push me, I move. I don't. Without even realizing it, I have been guilty of getting in my car and following in my typical, comfy fashion, assuming I'll get to point B....even when I sense the direction is a full-on error.

Am I mortified? Yea, a little bit. Because there is probably somebody following me.

A true indication of radical faith is not only you craving and yearing for God for yourself, but for the entire body of Christ. Some of our brothers and sisters haven't met Him yet. If they had, we'd all be in Heaven. Some of parts of the body are not yet born, some are living as atheiests, some are Muslims, universalists, agnostics, etc. I don't want to just yearn for Heaven for me and my family.....but for all. And this too, requires action.

Go get the book. "Radical" by David Platt. And visit www.MarlaTaviano.com for further disucssion and how lives are being affected by this powerful book.

Starts with an F and ends with a K

2010-09-17T15:20:00.004-05:00

Shawn has learned how to say "fork". Kinda. Yea, it needs work. Let's just say I hope that his unintentional foul mouth won't get him expelled from the pre-K cafeteria. Yikes. A speech therapy intervention right about now would be *SUPER*.

My blog is quiet because I miss Zim. I have been blessed to be able to talk with some of my sweet young friends on the phone a time or two. Hearing "hallo aunti Melissa" on the other end of that phone line with NEVER get old.

My bible study group has started back up again. I am SO thankful for this. We are even skyping in one of our sweet sisters who had to move a few hours east. That technology is just super cool, any way you slice it. We are celebrating 4 years together. 4. Wow. Quadruple wow.

I have finished the book "Radical" by David Platt and have started "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan. Loving the modern day authors with an intense devotion to the church and the Kingdom of God.

My family and I went to a local African Street Festival today. Asher had his first ever T-ball game this weekend.....and we were blessed to be able to attend church today in freedom. I've also spent quite a bit of time this weekend online working on fulfilling my continuing education requirements to be able to renew my brokers' license. I have a long way to go....but enjoying my current course on "green living" and "sustainable living". It is very interesting and informative.

I thought I was signing off here...but Joe just walked in the house to tell me something. He has been outdoors with Asher, playing, while I sit here and Shawn is napping. Joe told me that Asher was talking in a very serious tone...going on and on about how he is down today. Asher is down because the Titans lost (although he didn't watch the game). He shared with Joe that he doesn't want to get too close to his daddy right now because he doesn't want to knock him down. He said "daddy I don't want to knock you down, I just want to build you up". Joe asked Asher where he learned that. He answered....."church".

word gifts from Zim

2010-09-14T22:12:00.002-05:00

So, if you have been reading my blog for long, you know how much I love some kids in Zim. And one of my DEAR friends there is a nearly 28 year old Pastor. Here is an email from him to me. I am copying and pasting just exactly as it was sent to me. You can begin to experience why my heart erupts for all of them. Phillip took time to answer in this email, some basic questions I had about his family. I did not ask him face to face, but as he and I have continued our bond through email, I finally got the courage to ask him if he had ever known his parents...and how he became an orphan.

hallo beloved melissa

praise the Lord for the application letters were send to me from our mother Fatima for both the colleges..busy filling them up with all information requiered.hoping to send them back to you by next week monday and that means i will be in harare next week monday with the kids...

otherwise how are you and your dear husband and not forgeting the kids?wel,cant stop saying 'I MISSS YOUUU'.still praying that my plans of coming there wil be a success..
cant wait to mix and mingle with your family....

i have never stopped appreciating every moment you've been here.i learnt a lot from you melissa.what a wonder you are.truely you are God's messenger.time to time i always reflect on what you used to tell me and that makes me miss you more.

wel,i am a young man aged 28 though my particulars reflect 26.my parents told me that they decided to cut short my age since i had a small body stature and any other reasons that pertains to that is best known to themselves.i grew up in a family of two and thats me and Richard.was born and bred in a small remote farm where dad and mum used to be farm labourers.now,during my grade 7(primary school),dad left us due to a fatal car accident,where he died on the spot.life turned to preach othrwise because from the mention of dad's death,mama got shocked and she became bedridden since then.out of this,no one was able to catter for the family,so i had to arise,go for piece-work at the farm to get the family sustain and that me and Richard are set for school.so i hussled all the way through up until the day i finished writing my o'level when mama decided to leave us.she gave her last breath whilst she struggled to utter her last words.another war began;-Richard for two years dropped from school since i couldnt make it no more..after mamas death,me and richard where evicted from the farm since accomodtion at the farm was for those known to be employed at the farm.almost became destitutes until a friend from school gave a hand to help.after o'level results were out i opted for A'level.i dont forget my class for its been so dear in helping me pay my fees as their friend.wel after all this,got employed in a grocery shop as an assistant.then God started calling me into the ministry.it was so hard though i tried to resist til i decided to go to bible college.so it happed that one day i was invited to go preach at the children's home by one of the staff members,the;thn met our mother Fatima.she got so compelled to understandd more bout my life till i opened up to her.she has been so generous that she made a way for Richard to get started with school again May God bless Fatima indeed and we;Richard and i became part and parcel of rose of sharon till this day.
this is just but a brief account of my life.am ever ready to answere any question with regard to my life.will let you know more as go.

HOWEVER I KNOW THAT GOD IS ALWAYS BY MY SIDE,EVER FAITHFUL TO FULFIL EVRY PROMISE ABOUT MY LIFE.ALL THAT HAPPENED WASNT FOR MY DISADVANTAGE BUT FOR TESTIMONY'S SAKE!!!
feel honoured to be known to you and especilly to keep in touch with you..

WELL,WELL,WELL...GUESS WHAT....18 SEPTEMBER IS MY 28th BIRTHDAY....WOW CANT WAIT!!!!

Love you melissa,always thought of,,,,,

GOD bless you indeed.
Regards to DAD!

LOVE

Pastor Phillip

Pastor Phillip has already surpassed the average life expectancy in his country, of age 27. In a few days, he will have conquered that. I praise Jesus for Phillip. Phillip is now a treasured soul mate....a forever friend. He is HILARIOUS!! He is animated and larger than life with his smile and his ginormous heart. His momma and daddy would be SO proud of the precious man he has become.

If Only I Could Die

2010-09-14T06:57:00.004-05:00

A bloggy world woman, Marla Taviano, is leading an online book club. The book is "Radical" by David Platt. And like an idiot, I joined.

Why idiot? As if my heart wasn't cracked enough.

Charging me to be radically committed to the great commission, abandoning the American Dream, and really get to the heart of the Scriptures.

Here is where I must admit, I'm a slow learner. See, I've read all of the scriptures. I have read the New Testament many times. I have studied. I have seen with my own eyes and read with my own heart, the verses that this book draws out. The painful ones. And I've thought to myself before (of the Scriptures) - wow that seems harsh, or exaggerated, or well maybe Jesus is just trying to make a point. I get brownie points for noticing the directness of Jesus' pointed instruction on how to follow Him. But I lose all brownies for thinking things like....well all the good Christians I know don't go to such extremes...so I probably don't have to either.

The book accuses the American Christian church of molding church to meet the American Dream. While in other parts of the world, people are worshiping and risking their lives to do so. They meet in "secret" church to pray and study scriptures all night long. If they get caught....they will be tortured. What is the risk to me to pull up at my local church in my big comfy vehicle? With my adorable little boys who will go in and be loved on by sweet people? What is the risk to me to listening to fabulous worship music by a full band with sharp instruments? Do I even understand how sweet Jesus is and how powerful His message is when I've just been present for a church show? I'm not risking my life to worship. I'm almost praised for worshiping. Other people are so radically in love with Jesus that they will risk their very lives to hear about Him, to learn deeper, and to physically praise and worship Him.

I admit that even I thought my decision to fly to Zimbabwe, by myself, hoping that I wasn't walking into a booby trap....was radical. I did that straight up for Jesus. I was obedient to the point of risking my life. I just thought I was crazy. Now I know I was just being radical....and I'm thankful for that. But radical......once?

But I haven't lost everything for Jesus. I gave up Starbucks and sponsored a Compassion child, but I didn't give up my comforts. I haven't abandoned my needs, desires, and family. I haven't put the purpose of Christ before the purpose of my life.

Here is one of the most profound paragraphs of chapter 1. "But do you and I realize what we are doing? We are molding Jesus into our image. He is beginning to look a lot like us because, after all that is whom we are most comfortable with. And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshiping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshiping ourselves." (pg 13)

So, while I have this tiny little radical aspect to my faith....and I am sorta interested in taking the gospels to the unreached.... I'm probably mostly interested in radically transforming Jesus to looking more like me. And that HURTS.

I'm praying this book rocks the Christian World. Shake us in earthquake fashion. I am a Disciple. That is who I am designed to be. I should be more interested in reaching the lost of the world and die to myself. Maybe just die altogether. Maybe living isn't the purpose of life at all.

Visit Marla's fantastic blog here.

Just a Brief

2010-09-13T18:53:00.002-05:00

I have been quiet. No particular reason.

My little ones are enjoying school and doing so well adjusting. Shawn looks super darling in his standard school uniform and wearing his precious little backpack. I can hardly contain myself when I pick him up in the afternoons and he is sitting in the pickup line, perfectly orderly with a smile on his face. I could lick that sweet face. No worries. I don't.

Asher is learning so much about spelling, sounding out words, and reading. He is starting to notice his site words in the books we read at home. "Look mommy, that says "the" and "to" and "and" and "he". Learning is FUN!

Fatima has finally received her computer and all the other goodies I sent her. That was a near fiasco with an unexpected customs tax....but thanks to some powerful convictions in my spirit, and some generous angels, it got remedied.

That's all I got for now. Nothing exciting. Sorry.

Love to all!

On A Personal Note

2010-09-10T09:37:00.003-05:00

From the time Shawn was born and we were given his Down syndrome diagnosis, I have ached over his future. I don't wear this ache on my sleeve so much. It is more or less tucked neatly into my pocket. Occasionally I retrieve it in private, unfold it like a personal note, read it silently, wipe a tear, and return it to its tuck.

From about day 15 of his precious purposed life, I began the dream that Shawn would be included in a typical school, with typical peers, and only carried off with the specialists for one-on-one teaching when absolutely necessary. Afterall, Shawn was born a brother. An Asher Tater Tot already existed and he would surely lead his little brother, comfort his little brother, guide his little brother, and fiercely protect his little brother. They should go to school together.

My prayer was and is that Shawn would be enough of a challenge to help mold and shape his schoolmates to love and value on a deeper level, but not so much of a challenge that his school would appoint him to the **retarded wing and that the typical children would only see him drooling his food in the cafeteria, in the corner, waving to everyone as they pass by sneering at him.

It's pride. I know. And I'll repent for that as soon as I finish this blog post.

I was advised and even warned they may never go to school together. It might not be possible or it might not be in the best interest of Shawn.

A few weeks ago, without awakening my dream, without my nudging and without my orchestrating....Shawn was given a spot in the pre-k at Asher's school. Yes, a meeting had to occur and paperwork had to be signed......but the nudge came from someone other than me. The dream was on the back shelf getting dusty. And the orchestra was being conducted by a heavenly host of the Lord's angels. Only the Lord knows if and when this symphony will change its song. For now I'm sitting in the balcony listening to the very personal notes.

BRAVO!

(**i hate this word. i used it for emphasis in expressing the ache a mother feels to know that her son will be viewed and potentially treated with ugliness)

Sloshed in Grace

2010-09-09T14:57:00.004-05:00

Everyone is under the influence of something.

Today I am pondering the power of influence. The influence of people we love and trust seems to be the most powerful. Today a friend and I were discussing a hot topic. She and I share the exact same belief on this topic, as we have discussed it many times. But today she confessed that she has had similar converations with another person who has caused her to question her own convictions. Bottom line...she loves and trusts that person, and that has influenced her thinking. The good news is that this can be a great thing. The bad news is that this can be a horrible thing.

Few people actually ever draw their own conclusions. I think it's fairly common, even if not recognized, that most of us at some point and time in our lives, have made many of our decisions and established many of our beliefs, as a result of the influence of someone or many someones we have loved and trusted. Even if their beliefs have not been founded on anything solid or sturdy.

I KNOW I have been guilty of this. Probably still am to some degree. But I try sincerely and I deeply desire that the Christian that I claim to be is authentically seeking truth, only influenced by scriptures and the spirit of Christ Himself. I want to be under the influence of Christ. I love you, but I want to honor Christ. I trust you, but I trust Jesus more. I want to honor you and encourage you, but only in the things of Christ. I can't be a cheerleader for the world. I can't sign my name on a line that Jesus wouldn't sign His name on. Oh, I could, but that would be going against His grain and I want to go with His grain.

That is not a closed minded desire. If anything, it is the opposite. Because Jesus wasn't closed, He was open. He wasn't open to accepting sin, but He was open to forgiving it. All of it. Not just mine and not just yours....but the sin, ANY sin, EVERY sin, of ANY one and EVERYone who seeks Him. That to me is "open" not "closed".

Me? I'm a disciple of that. An ambassador of that. I am a cheerleader for that and a journeywoman for that. I don't want to be under the influence of the world. I want to be sloshed in grace, mercy, forgiveness and love.

The answers and the instructions are in the scriptures. Turn the pages.

Sharp and Soft

2010-09-09T07:48:00.004-05:00

I've been learning some tough lessons with regards to my service to my favorite mission spot. First, if you carry valuables in your luggage they will likely get stolen. If you mail packages from the US to there, the shipping will likely cost more than the package itself. Whatever you claim on the contents of the package will be taxed to the recipient, and therefore inflating the values to cover the expense of losses that could not be replaced....is not a good idea.

Pain, pain and more pain.

Money, money and more money.

But now I know. When you know better, you do better.

The sad truth is the losses that have incurred (from a value perspective) since last month, could have bought me another plane ticket. Ouch. I'm just going to consider it sharpening. The Holy Spirit is showing me I need to know more to be able to do more. I can't be naieve and succeed with good intentions. I have to be sharp.

Funny irony here to me is that when I was with Fatima last month and we were discussing the first blunder, in that I managed to allow the first new laptop to get stolen, and she managed somehow to fail to warn me it would likely happen if I did it they way I did it.... she looked me in the eyes and said, "you are going to become an expert in our international relations". Little did I know I would fail so many times so quickly. I'm sure I'm not an expert yet.....but I'm WAY sharper than I was one month ago. Way sharper.

In other news..... one of the precious, lovely, outstanding, dynamic, delicious boys from the orphanage called me yesterday. We spoke for 4 minutes. We wanted to talk all day. When I hear his voice, and when I get the opportunity to tell him how much I love him.....it's hard to hang up. I want to be his momma. In my heart he is my child. I want to hear about his school day. I want to take him to football practice, take him to the doctor when he is sick, watch him open Christmas presents in front of our tree, teach him to drive.............UUGGGGHHHH!

Feeling soft again.

And holy moly go read this!

Little Love, Medium Love and Big Love

2010-09-07T09:04:00.002-05:00

They are ages 3 1/2, 5 1/2, and 21 1/2. They all gave me stretch marks. They push my buttons. They stress me out. They make me laugh. They make me cry. The fill me up.

Labor Day 2010.

Time in the Dirt

2010-09-05T20:20:00.002-05:00

THEY

2010-09-04T15:09:00.002-05:00

THEY WENT UP TOGETHER

THEY CAME DOWN TOGETHER

THEY ATE POPSICLES TOGETHER

THEY COUNTED TOGETHER

AGAIN AND AGAIN

THEY BLESS ME

Almost 40

2010-09-03T10:30:00.002-05:00

I am not sure how it came to be September so quickly. And I cannot believe that I will be 40 years old one month from today. Normally, I do not broadcast my birthday. But dang, 40 is a major milestone and I don't want y'all to miss it. Ha! So, assuming and hoping it is God's will, in 30ish days I'll be saying goodbye to another decade and welcoming a fresh, more mature one.

Wow.

Can somebody just say "wow" for me?!

I'm excited. I do not dread 40 in the slightest. I have a 21 year old son for goodness sake....and I need to be 40. Ya hear me? It's a good thang.

Let the countdown begin.

School Fees

2010-09-02T06:54:00.002-05:00

I am wiring Fatima $1,500 today for school fees. It isn't enough to send them all back to school, but it is something. And I am so grateful.

Thank you to everyone who has prayed about this...given financially or encouraged me.

I also shipped the new laptop to Fatima yesterday. The package included also some photos from our time together, some neck ties for one of the boys to complete his wardrobe for the praise and worship team at his church....and some random bandages, toothbrushes, etc.... just to try to continue to meet some basic needs. I thought I was fainting when I learned the shipping expenses would cost me nearly $400. Yep....that says four hundred. Let's just say that I will not be sending them packages as regularly as I had hoped. Or maybe, never. :-(

Bored Americans

2010-08-30T12:16:00.002-05:00

I attended church yesterday as usual. But I gotta tell ya, my pastor killed it yesterday. I love my church and I usually always glean something from his messages, but yesterday I could have stood up and cheered.

He has been teaching a series of messages called "DNA" which is basically about the makeup and structure of our church....meaning the people. He and the other leadership have a vision for our church to not just show up on Sundays, but to do life together.....AND to answer the calling to the great commission of the gospels...to go out (locally or internationally) and share the message and the love of Christ. Sharing the love of Christ means to be generous with everything that we have.....our love, our money, our skills, our words of encouragement, our physical presence.......love encompasses so much.

Pastor Pete shared many alarming statistics about poverty, traffiking, death, unclean water, orphans, torture, etc.....all throughout the nations. Alarming statistics.

The message to stir us to move was incredible. But it wasn't even the message itself that I was most moved by....(although on its own, it was moving). What I loved the most is that my pastor was completely and utterly unapologetic.

He made no apologies for offending those who don't give.

He made no apologies for stirring those who don't move.

He made no apologies for those who don't love........others.

He made no apologies.....and I applaud him for that.

Afterall, Jesus doesn't apologize for the truth being the truth. Pete said missions isn't supposed to be a program in the church. It is why the church exists. Period.

Pastor Pete says we get bored. We are comfortable with our lives that are far too glamorous and far too easy....(those are my words not his).

I encourage you to hear the message. It was incredible. You can go to www.crosspoint.tv and you'll be glad you did.

On My Heart

2010-08-28T09:28:00.002-05:00

Since I posted the urgent need for 45 kids needing school fees to return to school next week, I have received pledges for 7 kids. I am so thankful for that.

But something is bothering me.

For those of you who follow along with my blog here and on facebook, or to those I sent emails to regarding this issue....there is something you need to know.

Fatima doesn't ask me for anything.

I have positioned myself to be taken advantage of her if she wants to take advantage of me. But she hasn't. And I believe I will have the wisdom and discernment to detect if she were ever to try. But that is not what is happening here.

Of all of the orphanages I have visited in Zim over the past 2 years, it is evident that hers are run in such a way that the best interests of the children are being served. Her orphanages are about the children. There is a distinct different between Fatima's orphanges and the others I have visited. Distinct. Of all of the orphans I have met in Zim, hers are the most likely to survive physically, mentally and spiritually. Her accounting is accurate and her books are wide open. More than anything, her heart is for Jesus. She is saving these children for His glory. Not her own.

So, I have partnered with Fatima, unofficially. I have a feeling that if I started 4 orphanges here for 70ish kids, I would need help too. That's all. She needs help.

As for these kids not having their school fees.... yes, I'd prefer more notice to know how I could help, but that isn't going to always happen. One of the boys in her teen home, Keldon, sings on the praise and worship team at church and I noticed he needs some ties. I contacted Fatima to ask her what colors he needs because I am sending a package next week. She replied to me and let me know to be praying for school fees for the other kids because a donation had fallen through.

I prayed. I'm still praying. And I figured, I could at least try to do more than pray.

Will I lose sleep if the kids don't get to go back to school?

Yes.

Do I feel solely responsible for raising enough money to send them all?

No.

But I do have a dream. One I am trying to find the courage and the money to put into action. I so deeply want to start a non-profit that will help in these situations and whatever critical situations come along. And I want it to grow and be huge. I want big donors. I want small donors. I want to provide a source for the orphans as well as provide an opportunity for the community of Christ to come together and do something meaningful for tender lives.

So, for now I'm doing the best with what I have. I hope you all will continue to walk this journey with me, without worrying about the process too much.

I cannot do this alone. Jesus is the giver of all good things. He is the provider.

He is nudging me.

That's all I know.

URGENT NEED

2010-08-27T10:22:00.002-05:00

Today I purchased a laptop for Fatima, to replace the new one I was taking to her when I traveled there earlier this month. That one was stolen from one of the airports.

I'm only telling you this because I want you to know that I put my money where my mouth is.

As of this morning, I have learned that one of the orphange regular donations did not come through, and currently 45 of the 70ish kids Fatima cares for do not have school fees to return to school next week. The cost is approx $88 per child. 45 x $88 = $3,960.

My husband and I are going to sponsor school fees for 6 children. I am praying you will help me get the other 39 sponsored asap. Please strongly consider. I have many blog readers and facebook readers....and I am reaching out to anyone.

I need to send as much money, up to $3,960 to Fatima next week....by Wednesday. If you can help, please contact me asap. You can click on the donate button at the top left of my blog, you can mail me a check, or I am happy to drive all over TN to pick up your penny jars. Whatever.

I am working to start a non-profit where your future donations can be tax deductible. Not quite yet though. Thank you for giving anyway.

Can you help?

Father God, the future of these children is in your hands. You hold them steady with or without school fees. You have filled them with you peace and your love. They know you and for this I rejoice at high decibels. Thank you Lord for what you are about to do in their lives and in the lives of every joyful giver. I praise you for them all. You are holy and you are love. In your sweet name, we serve in your spirit. Praising you, Jesus. To your glory, Amen.

"Spunky P"

2010-08-26T09:53:00.002-05:00

The adorable animated girl on the left in both of the above photos is Precious Z. She is the youngest of all of this group of kids. I met her the first time I visited Zim. Despite her younger age she was living in the home with the older kids. She soon was moved into one of the other homes to be with kids her own age....but I've been blessed to see her every time I have visited Zim because she always requests to see me and it is known that I always focus my attention on the teenagers.

The second time I visited Zim, I didn't think I would see her because I had been told she was moved to one of the other homes that Fatima runs. But then I saw her sweet little face in the modest sized crowd and I remember it clearly. I gasped with excitement and I reached out my arms to her and I specifically spoke her name, grabbed and hugged her. I had not seen her in 11 months and had only met her once, but I spoke her name. I remembered her. I knew her. And it blew her mind. She did not expect me to remember her name because there are so many of them. She did not expect me to light up with extra voltage. But I did.

Because of our special connection, she was permitted to come and spend the entire week with us on my most recent visit as well. Soon she will be old enough to move back in full time.

On one of our outings we had a picnic at a park. After enjoying the lunch and the park itself, we were treated to a large bowl of popcorn. We all sat around sharing the snack and it got quiet. I saw opportunity in the silence and so I recommend a simple exercise. I asked each of the kids (all sitting in a big circle) to say one word about the person sitting next to them. I explained that I wanted to hear how they would describe each other so I would learn a little more about each ones personality. They giggled and chattered and then they began. Little Precious Z was the first to go and she said one word about the girl sitting next to her. It was a funny exercise. I was not to participate in the game....but I got dragged in. At the end of the circle, Sarah was supposed to say one descriptive word about Precious Z and then the little game would be over. But Sarah wanted to say something about me instead....and so she switched it up a little. We all laughed and thought the game was over, until little Precious Z said "what about ME?" Oops.....she was waiting on a descriptive word from me. The only word that came to my mind...and it came abruptly was "spunky". I said "spunky" and the laughter roared. They didn't even know what spunky meant, but somehow they all knew that it fit her perfectly. And it does.

Later that day the kids initiated an impromptu talent contest where they took turns singing and dancing. Little Precious was encouraged to sing. I told her that her stage name could be "Spunky P". More roaring laughter. And thus the nickname was born.

We called her "Spunky P" for the rest of the week, and if I know anything about those kids, they are still calling her Spunky P. She was so proud of her nickname and so honored to be the only one with a special name from me.

The day before I left, Spunky P came up to me, put her arm around me and walked beside me. On our little walk together she told me the love she feels from me is even more than she ever felt from her own mother. As you can imagine, this crushed me. I do not know if her mother has passed or if sweet little Precious Z was abandoned. But I know this. My love for her blesses her life and encourages her in ways that I never would have fathomed. And she knows the Holy Spirit in my heart is where my capacity for love comes from.

God bless sweet Spunky P. She is an amazingly strong girl with gusto and spunk. She packs a lot of power in her small package. And she is not afraid to gush about her feelings and wear her heart exposed. What a gift she is to my soul.

Rural African Church

2010-08-24T19:54:00.003-05:00

So, the first two times I traveled to Zim, I was able to attend a church in the city. It was a great church (same church both times) but if I'm being honest, the church was led by white South Africans, and I was truly dying to attend a rural black church in the middle of nowhere. Ok, not nowhere....but you know what I mean. I hope. This time my wish came true. There actually was not a plan at all to go to church on that Sunday. I'm not sure why, but I think they must have thought I would prefer to go to a white church, and so it was never even mentioned. Until I asked on Saturday.....are we going to church tomorrow? Everyone looked around at each other and began discussing our options. In Shona. So I couldn't understand. I eventually just chimed in and said, in English of course, I would love to go to a rural church. They all smiled. I offered, "I'll be the only white person won't I?". They said, "Naaaaaaaa". They lied. I sure did get some looks. But I couldn't have been happier. And I couldn't have felt more at home with all of my beautiful Zim friends.

Let me tell you a little about this service. First off, Keldon serves in the praise and worship team. I loved watching him worship. We sang, on our feet, for a solid HOUR. And yes, there was dancing....see, me....right at home. The next part of the service was fascinating and beautiful to me. They had prayer leaders and healers at the front of the sanctuary, and people came up to be prayed for. It was intense and focused and loud and full of faith. This lasted about 40 minutes. One attender stood up and gave his testimony of healing (from the previous week). A newly engaged bride was prayed for and celebrated. And then the preacher spoke for about 30 minutes. It was a LONG service, but it was so wonderful. I truly loved it.

Here is a very short video of just a little bit of one of the worship songs. I couldn't resist getting the flip recorder out for this, but I didn't want to be disrespectful so I kept it very short. Enjoy. I did.

Zim Trees

2010-08-23T08:06:00.005-05:00

I took as many photos of trees as I took of kids. I know....that might be a little insane, but I love the trees in Zim. They are so awkward and interesting. The are beautiful. I love them. Enjoy.

Asher, Shawn & Spencer

2010-08-23T07:57:00.002-05:00

All three of my sons have gone through or are going through a major transition. It's been a little hard on this momma.

Asher began Kindergarten last week, and so for the first time in his young life, he is away from me full-time during the day. I wasn't ready. He was.

Shawn now goes to his school 3 full days and 1 half day, whereas before he was strictly half days with an occasional full day here and there. I wasn't ready. He was.

Spencer is moving into an apartment with a friend at the end of the month. I'm ready. He thinks he is ready, but we won't really know until he has successfully paid some bills for a couple of months. He is working full time and planning to go back to school next semester. Oh....the what if's are larger in his life....and I worry. Can't help it.

Soon I am sure I will enjoy the extra hours I have to myself during the days. Those hours will either give me more me time, or give me more work time without having to get creative. Both are welcomed.

Just thought I'd let you know what's going on around here.

The Journey He Marked for My Weary Feet

2010-08-22T09:08:00.004-05:00

Trying to put into words the most radical, moving, awe inspiring, lesson and blessing of my most recent journey to Zimbabwe...... is so difficult.

If you are a Christian, and one who truly studies the scriptures, then you know the new testament is full of testimony and instruction to spread the gospel throughout the whole world. Everyone needs the gospel..... if we believe it is the truth...then we should be radically intent on making sure that strangers to Jesus get a chance to meet His spirit, personally. Keeping this in mind, my initial interest in traveling to Africa to serve orphans, was with the hope that I could introduce Christ in their lives. I quickly learned that Zimbabwe has many Christians, and not only that but these specific teenagers who I have been serving, know Him well. Very well.

As recently as the days before this past trip, I was questioning God. Why was He sending me back? They already know and love Jesus....so other than offering them my simple love, words of encouragement, and treating them to some special moments....what really was the point? Yes, I asked this. I did. And I was feeling doubt.... but I still went. I went because I love them and I wanted to see them. I wanted to rejoice and celebrate the truck that was purchased for Fatima. I wanted to be available and accessible....as the kids are full of truly deep and meaningful questions. But in the back of my mind and in the depth of my heart.....I wondered if this would be the last time. I wondered if there was any real point or benefit to THEM for me to come there. I knew there would be plenty benefit for me.

I didn't realize while I was in Zim that the kids were tracking my every move. I didn't realize I was being inspected and evaluated. (This white woman keeps coming to see us....why?). I didn't realize that I would speak words they would memorize. And I didn't realize that my hugs were worth more than gold.

....until they told me.

They had a farewell party for me on my last evening. And on my last morning, they circled around me in prayer, anointed me with oil, and spoke the sweetest words of gratitude to me. One of my dear friends on this trip couldn't come to my farewell morning because he was crying. I guess he couldn't bear to say goodbye. i know the feeling.....and so i sobbed in front of them.

I cannot really bring myself to type out the things they said to me. I'm not feeling proud, I'm feeling deeply blessed just to be able to see the fruit. I can really only tell you the 2 things in general that they have learned from me, by meeting Christ in my spirit.

Christ used me to teach them....

1. true brotherly love that breaks down racial and cultural barriers

2. go out and share the love of Christ with others

They thought only Jesus would love them. Now they know that a human being who is absorbed in the love of Christ can love well. The Bible doesn't teach love as a method of tolerance. The Bible teaches love as a method to living. The children see this now. And the bible teaches to care for orphans and widows....but it doesn't teach that it should stop there. These orphans know that they are not just to sit back, relax, and wait for everyone to come and love them....but that they have feet. They can walk. They can love. They can spread the gospel.

I had been caught up on "the gospel". I was thinking that the message of the gospel was to teach about the story of Jesus. I was failing to realize that sharing the gospel is more than sharing the story, but most importantly sharing the "message of Christ." That message...... love. These wonderful kids knew the message of love but hadn't seen it put into action outside of Fatima. Now they have. They saw a white woman from Nashville, Tennessee put love into action. And now they want to go out and put love into action too.

My last morning in Zim was so hard. I sobbed uncontrollably, more than once. Words were spoken to me that I truly felt I didn't deserve. We said our goodbyes inside of the house, again outside on the lawn, and again at the airport. Every one of them accompanied me to the airport. Everyone of them walked in and watched me check my baggage. I would later find out that everyone of them stood outside for another hour, said prayers, and watched my airplane disappear into the clouds.

The pain in my heart for missing them is excruciating. But I praise Jesus for the journey he marked for my weary feet.

I love you Lord.

p.s. about the photo. i took numeous photos of interesting trees in Zim. i'll post more soon.

I Miss Them So Much It Hurts

2010-08-21T20:21:00.002-05:00

To be honest, I just cannot stop thinking about them for even a minute. If you think that sounds dramatic or exaggerated, you would be incorrect. They are imbedded images, sounds, smells, and emotion in every crevice of my heart. I love them so much. I miss them so much. I am sad.

I see them in my living room, in my car, at the grocery store, at church and in my kitchen. They are everywhere. At this point, I believe they will be in my whole life, forever and ever.....even though so far away.

A Few Steps On the Other Side of the World

2010-08-20T13:05:00.003-05:00

This is not all of the girls...just a few. I LOVE this first photo of Bev (aka Bevi). She is wearing a sweet little summer sweater that I bought from Target. I just love the way it fits her perfectly. Bevi wants to be a Broadcast Journalist. She is a great speaker and presenter.

This is precious #3. She is studying for Risk Management. She is an amazing girl.

This is sweet Sarah. Sarah is in a life skills program and is learning to sew. She is a questionable life ahead of her. I asked her if she is afraid, and she securely told me "no." She also has an incredibly precious singing voice.

This is Precious #2. I love her so much. She is forever smiling and always have a huge warm hug to give. She is a great dancer.

This is Emily. Emily intrigues me a great deal, however I know the least about her. She keeps to herself, seeming to not need affirmation or attention. But she is stunning and I cannot stop looking at her beautiful face. On my last morning with the kids in Zim, Emily stood up to say some final words to me. She spoke with profound wisdom and sensitivity. She shared a part of her heart with me that I've never seen before. She rocked my world and she sealed my love for her.

If you keep coming to my blog to read about this adventure that is my life, between my growing in faith, my special experiences with my family, mothering 3 boys, mothering a child with Down syndrome, and traveling to Africa to minister to orphans.....well, I thank you. It is not a cliche to state that I have been forever changed, again.

I've asked God a lot of times over the past 2 years.... why Zim? Why THESE kids? They are already Christians.....so what is my purpose in their lives? He used the kids to reveal some of the answers to me while I was there this time. I'm still trying to process the magnitude of the few steps my feet have trod in Africa, on the other side of the world.

I'll share more soon. For now, all I can do is praise Jesus.

Blessed - Double Double

2010-08-19T11:53:00.005-05:00

Those amazing kids in Zim who I have grown to cherish and adore live in close proximity to some amazing sights. But they have never seen them.

Fatima managed to negotiate a facilitate for our group of about 20 to go to 2 wildlife parks, 1 quiet park with a small lake, and a gorgeous national park of caves. While there did end up being some costs involved which I was SO thankful to be able to afford, and 2 annoying road blocks (literal ones) with fees to get through..... the kids and I enjoyed 4 excursions while I was in Zim.

The cave and the sleeping pool within it took my breath away. It was a spectacular sight. The photos did not come out very well due to the darkness. I cannot begin to describe the majestic color blue of the water. It looked impossibly beautiful. I could never describe it.

The animals at the 2 wildlife parks were incredible to see. My very favorite of all of the animals were 3 owls unlike anything I have ever seen before. Nothing like these owls exists in America...however I could not get photos because their habitat was so dark.

Nothing will top the priceless joy that I received as I witnessed all of these dear kids seeing the animals for the first time. Every one that I asked confirmed for me they had NEVER seen a lion, a baboon, a monkey, a zebra.....never! Even I have seen these in the zoo. The kids were overwhelmed and so excited with each excursion. They proclaimed over and over that it was the best time of their lives.....and they realized for the first time what an imaginative creator we have. The kids had the best time of their lives. And I got to watch it all unfold. I got to hear their words of praise and even see some of their tears of joy.

They LOVED the monkeys. They LOVED the lake. And they LOVED the bus rides around town, to see where they live. What an amazing unexpected gift to me on this journey.

Everything I experienced in Zim blessed me twice. Once for me and once for what I got to observe in the kids. They sang this incredible worship song many times while I was there...in fact I've heard it on every trip. I don't know all of the words, but there is a part of the song that talks about being blessed....and then the low background vocal part says "double double". It actually sounds very African...the rhythm and sound of the song. It was only on this trip that I realized they were singing "double double". Prior to now, I thought it was just a sound. Now i know. And I have been blessed....double double.

Fatima

2010-08-18T06:38:00.002-05:00

This incredible woman is Fatima. Most of you have already heard so much about her. I know more about her now. She is a very highly educated woman with 2 degrees. She was fortunate to complete some of her studies here in the United States. She returned to Zim and held a high level position and enjoyed the finer things in life. She has been married for 27 years and does not have children of her own. She gave up those finer things several years ago to serve orphans. She has started 4 orphanges and 1 incredible school. She oversees everything from their medical care, schooling, food, clothing, shelter....everything. She employs a Pastor for them to have regular bible teaching, and the also all go to church. She has 65 children, and yet she no longer has a salary. This woman has sacrificed so much to put others before herself. It is such hard work. Logistically, very complicated and very expensive. She is drained and exhausted, but she has been called to this and she does it well, with a passion, and in service to the Kingdom of Heaven. She loves Jesus.

The photos above are of the little lodge/cottage she found for me to stay in while I was there. Fatima also found a security guard to protect my lodging from 7pm every evening until 6 am every morning. His name was Phillip. I found out the evening before I left that Philip had done this at no charge. He and I had great conversations every night. He showed me his pocket bible that he was reading from in the middle of each night....with his little pocket flashlight. He and I spoke a lot about life and about God having something special for us. Philip was still waiting for his "something special". He isn't waiting anymore. Now he knows that his everything is special.

See the 2 beautiful flower arrangements Fatima gave me? She also stocked my lodge with groceries (including Pringles!) and toiletries. I had no idea I would be treated with such incredible honor. It was amazing. There were many surprises in store for me, I had not known. I'll share some of those tomorrow.

Death Amidst Life

2010-08-16T09:04:00.002-05:00

What do you see here? I see a dead tree in the middle of a pond of water. This tree in Zim has been coming to mind a lot. How does a tree die submerged in water? I thought water was life giving.

Look at the life that is all around, evident in the evergreens, the wildflowers, and the other greenery on the earth and in the water. Healthy life is all around this dead, hopeless tree. I wonder how long it will continue to stand before it falls over and floats away, to rot and decay from the inside out? And, will anyone notice? Will anyone care?

This tree isn't much unlike the orphans in Zim and throughout the world. They live surrounded by thriving life, going largely unnoticed, untended, and uncared for. Sad, when nourishment is so close and even often, in abundance.

The greatest source of nourishment isn't water or food. It is love.

Love saves lives.

Love is free.

I don't want to be the love the stands still and remains quiet. I don't want to be the love that gets close but not close enough. I don't want to be the love that gives only once I have received. I don't want to be the love that only nourishes my own.

I want to be a representative of the love that keeps the branches alive. Jesus.

Softness

2010-08-15T18:50:00.003-05:00

Stunning, simple beauty. She is a 20 year old orphan, at a University for Risk Management. She is more fortunate than most. Meeting her was an incredible highlight of my visit to Zim. Who am I kidding? Every moment was a highlight.

This one has such grace and poise. She literally looked after my every move with love and servanthood. She wanted me to be safe, comfortable, and cared for. She has the sweetest smile and the sweetest voice. If I could design a daughter, she would be just like her.

Yes, she has a name. A perfectly fitting one.

She is Precious. And I miss her.

about the stars

2010-08-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

I'm not ready to talk about the kids yet.

I'm not sure how or why, but the sky in Africa seems closer to the earth and the stars are even more brilliant. I must tell you that nights in Zim are dark. Really really dark. Can't see your hand in front of your face, dark. And this is even truer when the electricity is not working, which is like, every night.

The nights' sky took my breath away on more than one occasion. I witnessed 3 sunsets with a red sun, an orange sun and a pink sun....all of which made me somehow shiver. Majestic.

I don't know how many stars there are in the sky, but I know the latest statistic of the number of orphans in the world. 167,000,000 (one-hundred and sixty-seven MILLION). Motherless. Fatherless.

If you could reach your hand into the nights' sky and touch a star, would you? If you could reach out and touch an orphans' life, would you? One of these needs the other.

You could be a star.

Navigating the Well

2010-08-14T13:39:00.003-05:00

The bucket at the well, it goes down empty and it rises up full.

In the hours since my return home from Zim I am alternating quickly between a full bucket and and empty bucket. I can't tell when I'm sinking or rising. It is an impossible experience to describe. I am full and empty.

This 3rd time, it was amazing. Amazing is a weak word in this moment, because more than amazing, it was enormous splashes of love, and then dark pits of despair. The gloriousness seemed to snatch me up into the heavenlies. The darkness crushed me like a boulder on an ant.

I've opened up my heart to the extreme this time, and I have prepared warm rooms for Keldon, Richman, Layman, Richard, Promise, Boaz, Zig, Nichola, Jefrey, Precious #1, #2 & #3, Ruth, Sarah, Emily, Winnet, Pastor Phillip, Pastor Breshnev, Fatima, Theresa, Lovejoy, and Bestman, to dwell permanently within it.

I'll share more soon. Until then I'm just trying to figure out how to navigate in the well.

(see previous post for a video)

2010-08-14T10:55:00.004-05:00

I am so thankful to be home with all my boys. I missed them terribly. This morning however, I'm missing the kids in Zim. Here is one of our bus trips to the various sites we visited, which I will share more about soon. On every ride to and from each site, they sang one worship song after another with the greatest of joy and celebration. Enjoy this one.

Zim songs on bus #1 from melissa irwin on Vimeo.

Unremarkable

2010-08-01T14:11:00.002-05:00

Long ago I worked for a physician/surgeon and I had to transcribe his patient notes. His job was pretty intense, in that he was a trauma surgeon in the ER for one of our finest hospitals. I was young, mid 20's maybe. I can recall the first time I heard him describe something as "unremarkable". I don't think I had ever heard that term before. I had heard "remarkable" of course, but never the polar opposite of that.

If something is unremarkable in the medical world, it just bascially means there is nothing to determine that it is worth remarking about. Right? Often times, he would do an examination and declare the entire medical situation to be "unremarkable". Nothing was wrong necessarily. Nothing major. Or nothing of importance. In the medical world, I suppose it is a good word.

You would rather be found to be unremarkable than to have cancer, or aids, or heart failure or diabetes. In fact, we'd all love for our medical reports to be unremarkable.

But how about your faith? If God took out his scopes and his tools and began to examine your faith, would He find it to be "unremarkable?" Oh Lord, I hope not.

I want your faith and my faith to be "REMARKABLE". In fact, I want for our Heavenly Father to have so much to remark about that He cannot stop talking. I want His remarks about me to be:

she trusted me in the face of uncertainty
she went with beautiful feet to the places i sent her
she knew I was in control even though she didn't know what I would do or allow
she never gave up Hope
she loved even when it was difficult
she forgave even when it didn't make sense to
she treated everyone with the kindness i planted in her spirit
she hugged people she didn't even know
she talked about ME and she shared my truth
she comforted others
she believed in me even when others thought it weak
she loved me first
she taught her children they could talk to me
she read my word and marveled at its mystery
she gave out more hugs than she received
she knew that I could and would love anyone, regardless of their sin
she didn't try and judge the hearts of others, even when she was tempted
she intentionally tried to love people that she didn't like
she gave things up for me
she listened when i spoke to her
she discerned between good and bad
she valued wisdom
she wore grace like a gift
she begged for mercy and then praised me when I lavished it upon her
she knew she wasn't greatest or least...and she knew that didn't matter anyway
she valued hearts over position
she was fair
she always had a song in her heart
she talked to Me in the dead of the night and in the glory of the morning
she wept over things that break My heart
she didn't run away
she served My kingdom
she won hearts for Heaven

Our Lord God cannot say all of these things about me yet, but I pray that He can say some of these now and before I die, I pray He can say them all, confidently. I want my faith to be remarkable.

And I want this for you.

Jasper

2010-07-31T16:00:00.002-05:00

I decided to write this post in response to a comment on my last post from the Ahlstrom family regarding my jasper collection.

My first introduction to jasper was about 20 years ago. My aunt Brenda was in town (Nashville) visiting us and we went downtown to visit some local shops for some basic touristy shopping. There was a street vendor selling rocks. At that time, I discovered a red jasper stone and a tiger eye stone that I loved. I bought them. I assumed at that time that jasper was only red. I had no idea how wide a variety the stone could be. Over the years, I have found a few red jasper stones that I have liked and kept.

About 3 years ago I traveled to a beach in Florida with some of my girlfriends and visited a shop. I fell in love with a stone necklace there and learned from the store owner that it was jasper. This took me a little by surpirse, because the stone was not red at all. It was then and there that I learned jasper comes in a hundred or more varieties, from all over the world.

Why does this matter? It doesn't.

Except that the book of Revelation in the Bible has many verses that describe the New Heaven and New Earth and many of the descriptions include surfaces (floors/walls) made of jasper and other stones. Some quartz, etc. But jasper is mentioned several times. This works beautifully for me as a vision. Now that I have seen so many varieties of beautiful jasper, I can envision my own idea of Heaven. Here, in this life, we emphasize beauty in many natural stones by using it for flooring, kitchen counters, bathroom surfaces, etc. But no one uses jasper for anything. Not to my knowledge anyway. Perhaps it isn't available in huge sheets and slabs like granite or soap stone. I don't know. Perhaps God is saving jasper for floors in Heaven because it is so incredibly beautiful and varied. I of course, don't know. This is why my blog is called "jasper walls". I am referring to the walls of jasper that will make up the new Heaven and new earth according to the scriptures. This life is my journey to Heaven.

Now, don't get me wrong.... I do not at all imagine Heaven to be like a hotel. I do not imagine that I will arrive there someday, check in, be issued my room key, and live forever in a room constructed of jasper. But I do believe there will be jasper. A lot of it. And because it is so rare and unused in this life, I can hold a jasper rock in my hand and I can see it as a special creation by God...so special in fact that it will adorn the walls of Heaven. When I hold a jasper stone in my hand, I am reminded that this life is a journey and a mission, literally. I am reminded that there is reward and beauty in Heaven that I cannot begin to imagine or fathom, but that there is much work to do here before I go there....and I'm thankful to have something inside of me that wants to take this seriously.

When I visited Zimbabwe for the first time, I discovered a rock vender who sells many varieties of jasper. So many varieties and so many colors....amazing. On that first trip, I bought a piece of ocean jasper that was said to have been found off the coast near Cape Town, South Africa. I bought another piece of jasper also, but cannot recall it's name. On that first trip, I saw a rock that i loved, called picasso jasper, but it was so big and so expensive that I didn't have enough money to purchase it. I bargained and the guy did lower his price quite a bit, but I still couldn't afford it. On my 2nd trip to Zim, I specifically took enough money to purchase that rock at the bargain price, if it was still there. It was and I bought it. I also bought 2 more small pieces...and they are such a variety of colors and I do not know the names of them. But in addition to several pieces of red jasper that I have, I also have the one large picasso jasper and 5 other jasper stones that I keep on display in my house. The big picasso jasper rock is about as large as a big potato, and shaped about the same. The other pieces that I have are slightly smaller than an egg. They are very special to me.

So, most of my jasper stones have come from Africa. I also found a bead vendor locally that sells a lot of beads made of a variety of jasper and I have since made a necklace and a bracelet for myself.

So there you have it.... I do love jasper. It excites me.

Thank you Ahlstrom family for inquring..and yes I would love to receive some of your jasper stones if you ever find them from storage. And i'd love to know where they are from and any other info that you might have. You are a sweet family and I'm grateful for the way that you participate in my life through the blog, the emails, and most especially the prayers. I'm so happy to know you all. God bless your sweet family!

this week

2010-07-29T15:38:00.002-05:00

I have been blessed beyond measure to receive my little cousin from the airport on Monday night. She is staying with us for a week and I have to admit...I'm having a wonderful time with her. She is 13. Emmalee. We all love her, and with good reason, she is precious. So far...we have been dining, driving, going to Movies, swimming and we are going to hit some shops for the next two days. Oh, and the pedi. We had pedi's. I love having a girl in our house. And not just any girl...but one of the most precious on the planet.

I also have a quick Zim update. I have reached my goal this week. I am waiting to receive a couple of other donations that should be coming in soon, but taking those into account...I have reached my goal. Sweet SB paid $50 to my paypal account. I received $25 from EP in the mail and one of my dear sisters sent me $1,000. I am so thankful! Honestly, I'm speechless, again. God uses so many sweet people to provide the funding for my trips to Zim. I am so grateful to Him and to them. I am still spending several hundred of my own, but that is totally okay with me. As I have mentioned before, they are worth every penny. My prayer now is just that the amount of cash I take will suffice. I don't know how much my food will cost... and I'm hoping to have enough money at the end to purchase another jasper stone for my collection.

I'd write more, but the kids are waiting "patiently" for me to take them to the swimming pool. Here we go!

A Change is Gonna Come

2010-07-26T11:34:00.003-05:00

In a few weeks, my life will be radically different than it is today. That might seem like an overblown statement when I tell you why, but I can tell you it isn't overblown at all.

For 5 1/2 years I have been "mommy" again. Apparently Joe and I responded right on time to God's calling for us to be parents. Asher was and is the most delightful joy in my heart, beyond adequate words to describe. His baby brother (now 3 1/2) is the cherry on top of the cherry on top of the cherry on top of the icing on the cake. Spencer - he's the cake.

Spencer is currently apartment hunting. He has no furniture, no eating utensils, no towels, no dishes. But he will soon have an apartment. And as if that isn't radical enough....for the first time in 5 1/2 years, Asher will be in school full-time and Shawnie will be in school almost full-time. Instead of 1 full day and 4 half days, Shawn will go to school 3 full days and 2 half days.

Soon, I will have THREE "free days" instead of only one. Days where I can actually clean my house, be less stressed about the work I have to complete, plan menus, paint rooms, take stuff to goodwill, work in my flower garden, read, write, make lunch plans, exercise....and perhaps even take a few naps here and there.

I head toward this time with mixed emotions. It is overwhelming but exciting.

If you're a mostly stay-at-home mom who has experienced this before....I'd love to hear from you what you most enjoyed about this transition.

Spirit Invasion

2010-07-24T09:11:00.002-05:00

I do have updates on my Zim fundraising. My old friend B gave me $200. My friends S&B gave me $370 toward my expenses and $200 toward a computer for Fatima. S gave me $100. P gave me $50. D&B gave me $150 I received payment this week for a few hours of consulting I did for $100. So yes, my fundraising is making progress and I am SO thankful. To date, I have received $1,990 toward my expenses. AND, I have already purchased the netbook computer for Fatima!!! Praise God!

My airfare is $2,800+, $350 for lodging, $30 for the visa. I'm not sure how much my food will cost. I will not be taking any excursions or side trips.

I would love to raise the additional $900 for my airfare. As I have mentioned before, I am prepared to spend $1,000 of my own money.

The countdown is on. I will board a plane to fly to Zim, in 11 days. My initial excitement is geared toward seeing the faces of the kids and hugging them! I also cannot wait to hear them sing and dance. They always perform for me and it is amazing, beyond words to describe. They project such loud and clear voices, with amazing harmonies and rhythm. They sing in their native Shona tongue. Lovejoy plays the conga drum, and they all dance. I will sit and stare at them with tears running down my face and a plastered smile incapable of being broken. Boaz will lead the troop in their performance. He can captivate any audience all by himself. That boy can dance like nobody's business. And his smile is off the charts.

I cannot wait to see Sarah. The story of her past abandonment is just so devastating. No matter what, any child losing their family to the ravages of Aids is horrifying. But for some reason, when I picture Sarah in the brush, unable to find love from her grandparents.....running from wild baboons, I sink a little inside myself. A little girl running scared, in search of someone to save her....just rings a little differently than a boy. I believe that every child who made their way to Fatima was surrounded by heavenly angels.

Boaz carried his little sister a very long distance to a doctor and watched her die. No one cared enough about her to help Boaz transport her. So he picked her up and walked for miles and miles.

Keldon lost his parents and his twin brother to Aids.

Some of the kids have been too reserved to share their stories with me, but I deeply hope and pray that after several days with me this time, I will know them all. I want to know Emily better. Emily is stunning and shy. Her little voice is so sweet. I want to hear her story. Precious has a wild, gorgeous afro. Her smile covers her entire face. She says she loves me like a mother. I want to know her story. These young ladies are strong. They are so strong.

They are so intrigued by my life. No, not my American life, but my life as a "mum". They want to know about my children. They like to ask me questions about how I love them and how I relate to them. They ask me very hard questions and I give them very honest answers. I can't help but wonder if they are seeking a glimpse of how their mothers would love them if only their mothers were still here. They look for my joy and they imagine hers. They look for my love and they find hers. I'm not sure....but that is how it seems to me.

If you are a mom and if you have ever wondered what your children would do without you....well, they would look for you in the face and hearts of others.

I have worked myself into tears this morning. I want to do everything in God's plan for me to do while I am in Zim. I want to share every word He would prepare and I want to comfort anyone who needs it. I want to be prepared for laughter and for tears. He is sending me as a minister and a messenger. He expects me to allow them to explore and He requires me to be real. It's harder than you might think. Sometimes they lead me to drudge up things I'd rather forget. They are teenagers and that is what teenagers do. They are facing a very difficult life of independence in Zim. Their challenges are hardly even imaginable to our American minds. I am weak and unworthy of this opportunity. Please pray for a mighty spirit invasion into my heart.

Through and Through

2010-07-20T14:44:00.002-05:00

Sometimes these words run through my mind.

..."through and through"

These words lead me to a myriad of thoughts. I picture a grocery store aisle. I'm searching all over for some random product. And what about that crazy spice section? Have you ever searched through and through to find something?

Sometimes I see the toy box. There is no counting the number of times I have searched through and through to help one of my kids find the tiniest toy on earth. At times I find cracker crumbs, remnants of broccoli, puzzle pieces....but oh for that tiny wheel or the shrunken little man that is supposed to be piloting the tiny little plane. Through and through I search.

Ever lost a photo or a special letter? Gone through the attic or the basement through and through every box, so many times over and over not willing to give up, and to the point that you now know by heart where everything is? Everything but that one thing?

You ever dig through the junk drawer, through and through, to find the address or phone number you wrote down yesterday and now cannot find?

Through and through seems so intense, so detailed......like nearly physically unearthing something. Doesn't through and through reveal so much. Maybe you find what you aren't even looking for. Or perhaps you clean out a bunch of clutter in the process.

One of my favorite scriptures over the pass few months, one that haunts me at times like today. 1 Thessalonians 5:23 "May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Sanctify means "to be made holy" or "to be set apart". And sanctification means "Act of God by which believers become more and more conformed to Christ's image."

I love this repetition of the word "through". He will not just sanctify me and you. He will sanctify us through and through. He will search and shape every part of us. Everything broken. Everything small. Everything hidden. Everything dusty. Everything rotted. All things shredded. All things torn. All things missing, altogether. There can be no such thing as external sanctification, only internal. And this process means that His spirit is going to search us through and through. He will touch every aspect of our character, our thoughts, heart, emotions, sins, and more. And by being a willing agent, this process will shape us more and more into the image of Christ himself....not His external image, but His internal image. Our hopes will be more and more like His. Our love will be more and more like His. Our passion will be more and more like His.

We may be stretched and rearranged when He is doing His work, and surely by the time He is done. But in the "through and through", we will be "more and more." We will be set apart and holy.

My Morning

2010-07-16T07:24:00.002-05:00

Oh there is such glory in the silence. I know, right? I mean, I'm up early and the kids are asleep and these are the moments when I can dream. I didn't even realize that I still had dreams left in me. My moments of the noisy day are spent organizing, coordinating, hesitating, dreading, cleaning, emailing, work calls, fussing at the dog, wondering why there are so many more weeds in my yard this year..... but the silence. The boys are still sound asleep. The sun is up and little birds feed themselves around my flower garden. The chipmunk comes to the low bird feeders and he stores food for the winter. Where does he go in the winter anyway?

The early morning quiet is when I do some bible study. Mornings like this as there is a countdown for my next trip, I think about those kids. I think about the Africa air, the calls of unfamiliar birds, and the eyes of the strangers I will come in contact who will first take me for a mean white person, and then will soften when they quickly realize I have a smile and a softness toward them.

I hear the sounds of dirty laundry sitting, waiting, needing to be tended to. I hear the sounds of the coffee maker, as it sits still and cradles my warm delight. Oh how rare the silence is, and how much I love it.

Shawn wakes with a growl. It's a soft, lonely growl. I think it is equivalent to the morning stretch. He springs forth and approaches the top of the stairs, spots me with an extra large grin, and he slowly descends the stairs toward me in the garden chair. The closer he gets to me the faster he travels. His arms reach and his smile transitions to that look of anticipation and knowing that he is about to receive the best.morning.snuggles.ever. He pulls up. I help. He straddles my waist facing me, inserts the thumb into his mouth, leans left onto my right shoulder while my arm cradles his precious little body. He stares into my eyes with a sweet smile forming around his thumb, for 5 minutes, in beautiful silence.

$25 today and a letter worth a million

2010-07-14T18:23:00.002-05:00

I received $25 today for my mission trip. Thank you so so so much SC. You are very sweet peeps. Your letter was beautiful and inspiring. Thank you SO much.

I have also received some emails asking me who the people are in the photos below from a previous post. Well, the hot brunette is me, of course. (Ha). And the sexy bald man is the hubs. You know my boys by now.

The myriad of beautiful women include my 2 cousins, Leslie and Theresa, my precious friend Tracy, and my little cousin Emmalee. Tracy's son Jackson is in one of the photos and my cousins' son Christian is the happy little one. Thanks for asking! They are basically all peeps who bring me much happiness. I just love 'em.

What if YOU were a teenager, WITHOUT PARENTS, and ON THE STREETS?

2010-07-13T14:32:00.003-05:00

Below is an email that I sent out to explain my mission, and to raise funds. A friend of mine who wasn't even a recipient of this email called yesterday to tell me that she has $370 for me. Yay and PRAISE GOD. I still need to raise $1,400 - $2,100. I really need help. Thanks so much for reading!

Dear Friends & Family,

I am sending an email to save postage. Please forgive the de-personalization of a mass email.

I am returning to Zimbabwe in August, for my 3rd solo missions trip. I have booked my flights to depart on Aug 4 and return on Aug 13. Each flight takes two days, so I will be on the ground with the children in the orphanage for 6 full days. This time I will be visiting only 1 orphanage rather than 5. If you have been a part of my journeys before, or the recent truck fundraiser, you will know that I have developed a very close and special relationship with a group of 15 orphaned teenagers in Zimbabwe. They range in age from 15 - 19. Some have HIV Aids. All are facing the harsh reality of life as an orphan in Zim, and that is that they will all be forced onto the streets when they "graduate" from the orphanage. Their orphanage founder does everything she can to raise money for them to go to school to learn a trade, or even Bible school...but still many will turn to drugs, prostitution, or theft, if they are manipulated or brainwashed by strangers to believe that those are their only options for survival.

Due to the Aids epidemic, the average life expectancy in Zim is age 27. Treatments, anti-virals are available and all of these kids who are infected now are receiving their meds. When they are forced out of the welfare system by their government, they might rapidly decline and face an early, unnecessary death. Their country does not care about them, in the slightest. They are alive today because Fatima cares for them. When she is legally forced to push them out, they will need buckets of hope.

For whatever reason, these kids love and trust me. Their orphanage director (& founder), Fatima, believes that I can motivate them and inspire them to be more and do more than what their own country believes in. And I believe this too. But my understanding and belief is simply that God is preparing me for this, not at all that I can do it on my own. I can know this firmly and soundly because of His presence with me specifically on my first trip to Zim. Their questions were intense. My answers were delivered of my voice, however the words were quite honestly, supernatural. If I could ever know with confidence that I have ever been used as a vessel of the Holy Spirit, it was then. And it is now. And this is all I know. I am going back to inject their spirits with hope. I have been the recipient of hope. Over the years of my life, hope has been gifted to me by random people at various times and with a multitude of consequences. I know first-hand how powerful it is to be encouraged and motivated. I have a gift to encourage. My plan is to exhaust that gift over a 6 day period in Zimbabwe, even if it somehow means that I do not eat or sleep. I might come home empty and depleted, and that is okay.

My airfare was $2,400. I paid for that with $1120 in mission donations and my credit card holds the balance. I will have to pay for lodging and food, my visa to enter the country, and incidentals. I would like to purchase a laptop computer for Fatima (approx $600). I need to raise a minimum of $1800 more and up to $2500 more. The more I raise, the more possible it becomes for me to purchase a computer for Fatima, which she needs.

If you can help to support me as a sender on this mission, I am asking that you do so right away. I will need to receive funds no later than July 24. However, if you need to mail me a post-dated check, that will be fine. I can wait as late as July 30 to deposit any checks that I receive. Once again, this is not a tax deduction, because I am not a charitable organization. However, I do believe that in God's economy, there are many deductions, rewards, and benefits to supporting the missionary for His kingdom. I also just happen to believe the benefit of the sacrifice is greater than anything that can be measured.

Please know that any amount is humbly appreciated. Every dollar matters so much. I truly cannot express the magnitude of the value of each dollar. Please feel free to send $5 if that is all that you can afford right now. It all adds up in the end and I could not be more grateful.

If you have a computer connection and have the ability to help me provide a computer for Fatima, one that can be used on a Zim electrical system (or converted somehow) please contact me about this.

Thank you as always for reading my plea and considering a donation. Asking for contributions is by far the hardest part for me. Indeed, the kids are worth it.

Please mail donations to me at 6840 Bridgewater Drive, Nashville, TN 37221.

Please don't hesitate to ask me questions or share your thoughts with me. I am always so appreciative of the prayers, the words of encouragement and the motivation to not give up. I need those things as much, if not more, than the generous donations.

P.S. I will be posting this letter on my blog website as well. If you have friends, coworkers or family that you can share this with, it would be a great blessing. Please direct them to www.untilthejasperwalls.blogspot.com Thank you again! I WILL ALSO BEGIN UPDATING THE DONATIONS ON MY BLOG SO THAT YOU CAN KEEP TRACK OF THE PROGRESS.

Be blessed. Thank you.

Always,
Melissa Irwin

Joy to the 7th Power

2010-07-12T13:33:00.005-05:00

Times 3

2010-07-11T13:08:00.002-05:00

Today I am filled with many emotions about my upcoming trip back to Zim. I can see the kids and hear their voices with very little effort in reflection. My memory is working overtime as my heart prepares to see them again. The first time I went, I had no idea what to expect. But that trip was amazing. The second time I went, I had much more expectation and some disappointment. This next trip offers the most opportunity for me to pour hope and encouragement into the kids. My heart is being impressed each day as I lead up to my departure on Aug. 4 and my reunion with the kids on Aug 6. I have become aware in my spirit that I have to pour out buckets of hope to the 15 teenagers. I have to encourage them against the realities of a harsh world in Africa when they are released from the care of an orphanage. I have to warn them and somehow inspire them to overcome. I have to encourage them to climb obstacles that most run from. I have to motivate them to choose purity over the false promises of salvation via theft, prostitution and drug dealing. I have to remind them that God is with them, no matter what. And I need to pass on the teaching that my own pastor (Pete) has taught...and that is...."if you are absolutely confident that God is with you, then how would you live in your circumstance?"

I am excited to return, yet I am heavy. Please keep me in your prayers. I know that our Heavenly Father is preparing my heart for this. His Spirit is traveling with me, and I am seeking His words alone to speak to the children. Please let me know if you are a prayer partner with me on this journey. I need you. Thank you!

We're Back from Over Yonder

2010-07-10T17:01:00.003-05:00

My boys behaved like old, long road trip traveling pros.

The ate food out of other peoples fridges, like pros.

The pee'd in other peoples potty's, like pros.

They fought over other kiddo's toys, like pros.

The watched cartoons on other people's tv's, like pros.

They fell off of other peoples beds, like pros.

They whined about other peoples vegetables, like pros.

I cannot believe that we just spent 10 days traveling to 3 major cities, by car, in the sun, and even at one point in flood waters. We saw fireworks. We stayed up super late. We stayed in 2 hotels, 3 houses and played in 4 playrooms. We had the most fantabulous time. My children completely blew me away at how adaptable they are.

It really is true. Your house is not your home. Your home is where your family is. And we were all over the place. Well, all over Texas, but you know, I think Texas is bigger than Zimbabwe.

Speaking of Zim - my flight is booked. I'm going on Aug 5 and still need to raise tons of funds. Please contact me if you can help support this mission trip.

Later, y'all!

Houston, We Have a Problem

2010-07-08T15:47:00.002-05:00

The problem......we are loving Texas and might not want to ever go home.

We have been to Ft. Worth to visit family, then on to Austin to visit more family and a treasured friend, and now we are in Houston visiting friends. The sweetest part about this Houston trip is that Tracy, my friend, has really just become my friend through facebook and blogging. We went to high school together, but we didn't really know each other back then. I love how facebook can cause a spark. I have been truly blessed to develop friendships with some women I went to high school with...even though our circles were not the same at the time. So - we are truly enjoying Tracy and her precious family. I just feel blessed to be welcomed so openly into so many homes across Texas. This road trip has been well worth every mile, every moment of lost sleep, and every extra calorie. (I will have to totally start my diet over when we get home.)

Texas, you are swell. And, you are hot and wet!

We drove into flash floods in Houston yesterday. In fact, we had to park 2 blocks from Tracy's house and wade through the water. Wild, eh?

Oy, that drive home is gonna be long.

regurgitate

2010-07-05T10:30:00.002-05:00

Whoa - when I wrote the last post "Introducing Justin".....I did so for a couple of reasons, I suppose. I wasn't really consciously aware of any reasons at all at the time. I was internally purging my guilt and shame for my judgements against Justin. I literally wept through writing that post. In fact, I cried so hard that it gave me a disgusting headache and I was worthless the rest of the day. My head hurt so badly that it made me nauseous. But, I deserved that.

My blog is like a journal to me. It is the place where I feel free to write whatever I want, whatever I am thinking. It is the place where I am free to be me. As it should be. I like to live somewhat exposed. It keeps me real, and there is nothing I want more than to be real.

My blog got nearly 1,000 hits that day, thanks to a tweet I am assuming. I did not mean to have attention drawn to myself, but I'm thankful for the encouragement I received for being honest. Justin sent me an email apologizing that he wasn't who I had thought he was, back then. And you know....he never owed me that apology.

What I learned about myself especially since the Bellevue campus of our church opened.....is that I didn't realize how unforgiving I was being toward people who never owed me an apology in the first place. I have practiced the forgiveness of friends and loved ones....and for a long time have been free from the pain of grudge holding. I believe I can honestly say that I have forgiven every wrong, every pain, and every betrayal against me personally. I enjoy many healed relationships, etc. I just didn't know that I was even holding judgement against others. And wow, what an ugly look on myself. Blech! What an ugly look on any Christian.

So...anyway....thanks for all of you who left sweet comments, who sent me sweet emails, and who tweeted sweet tweets. And thanks to Justin and Trisha who embraced my post.

I am currently touring the great state of TX with some of my fam. We are having a great time with more fun yet to come. Happy Birthday America! God Bless the whole world.

Introducing Justin

2010-07-01T09:53:00.002-05:00

I'm gonna have to be completely honest here. Usually, being honest is easy for me, for the most part. But today it's gonna be difficult. I did not like this guy. I just didn't. Years ago I did...I adored him. He was the youth pastor at a church we used to attend and my oldest son was crazy about him. He was so easy to like back then. In fact, we liked him so much, that when he and his family moved to a different state to start a church, we were in between churches and so for a while, we sent them our tithe....to help start their church that we would never attend because it was so far away. We just wanted to support a cause for Christ, and we believed in and were excited about this new church he would plant.

This is where it gets ugly. Soon his church was a success. There was growth and attendance. I assume too that their were hearts being reached and lives being changed. But this pastor engaged in an affair with a staff member, nearly destroying the lives of his wife and his three sons. Now, I'm all about grace and redemption, but apparently in my heart I held him to a higher standard. He was a pastor. I felt he was free to make a lot of mistakes. No one can be free from sin. I didn't think he was a liar or a fraud. But I was disgusted. I didn't think he should be kicked out of the church. But I also didn't think he should be a pastor any longer. And for a while, he wasn't.

Last year, one year ago exactly, Justin was hired to be the campus pastor of our newest church location in my town. It is, in fact, the closest campus to my home and so you would think I would be very eager to attend the new location. I wasn't. Because of him. My rationale was that it was just too soon. I don't think I believed he had suffered enough. Funny....that isn't my call, but in my own heart, I had an opinion. His story is amazing. He and his wife are an unbelievable example of grace, restoration, redemption, and love. And I already knew that....I just didn't think I could stomach him in the flesh. (To type this out makes me want to vomit....but I think I'm probably in the popular majority...and I'm just trying to be honest).

Our community was utterly pounded by the flood. For weeks after the flood and before the new campus launch, our community rallied to serve those who had lost nearly everything. For the few weeks before our new campus launched, I witnessed community like I had never seen before. This really endeared me to the new campus and made me want to go and visit just for the opening weekend. But no more than that...just a quick prop and then we'd get out of there. That first service was so powerful. I wept. The kids LOVED the new location. All I can say is now we are regular attenders of the new campus. We feel like we are truly at home. And pastor Justin is a humble, redeemed, forgiven sinner who I am so thankful to be able to call my pastor. I truly do not know of a better example to learn from than that of the journey, the public journey, He and his wife Trisha have walked. I am not envious of the affair, but I am truly envious (in a good way) of the love and the bond that God has constructed with His power between the two of them. He has created a ministry that will no doubt save hundreds or thousands of marriages over time. And I am willing to bank that Justin is a better pastor today than he ever could have hoped to be before his fall from grace.

I want to introduce you to Justin and his blog. I am asking for forgiveness for my harsh judgement and condemnation in my spirit towards Justin. I truly believe God has worked a miracle in Justin, his marriage and his ministry. And I am so thankful that I get to be a witness. And I am grateful for the humbling experience I have been through as a Christian with a hardened heart. We all fall short of the grace of God.

I encourage you to follow Justin's blog. It is truly incredible. I especially love the post he wrote today. I have added him to my blog list on the left side of my own blog. Or you can click here to read this incredible post.

Justin and Trish, I am sorry that my heart was cold toward you. I know you didn't know, but you do now...and I'm sorry. I'm sorry I doubted God's plan (HA!) and the leadership of Crosspoint to bring you on board. You just might be one of the sweetest deals that Crosspoint has got going. We are blessed to have you. Happy 1 year anniversary.

Help Me Go Back to Zim, pretty please with Jesus on top.

2010-06-29T11:12:00.002-05:00

I am trying to finalize the plans for my 3rd trip to Zim in August. I will be ministering to the one group of teenagers who I first met in 2008. We are working out a plan for me to spend 8 days with them. This will be far more time than I have been permitted to visit with them in the past. I have many things on my heart about this trip. Many, big things. If you are able to and have a desire to help me financially with these costs, please contact me to make a donation. Thank you so much!

Back Hair

2010-06-25T12:07:00.002-05:00

Oh Lawdy....I just cannot help but share this. My sweet Shawnie is covered in fuzzy blonde hair. It is all over his sweet back. All.Over! Sure hope it thins out as he gets older.

That's all. Carry on.

The Turtle in My Rearview

2010-06-25T08:00:00.000-05:00

and now am re-posting THIS

Lean Stretch Rotate Grow

2010-06-24T15:14:00.000-05:00

in the mood to re-post THIS

Testing

2010-06-24T09:42:00.002-05:00

So, Asher just looks at me and says "Mommy, I want to test my attitude". I look at him with a deep interest in his proposal. I inquire. He explains to me that he is going to put his feet on the coffee table and I am going to tell him to get his feet off the table, so that we can see what kind of attitude he is going to have today. I agree, and he proceeds. "Asher, please get your feet off of the coffee table. They do not belong there." His eyes sparkle, his smile beams. He removes his feet and says "yes m'am". Success. Wow.

I should get in the habit of testing my attitude everyday. How about you?

Living in the Yesterdays

2010-06-23T09:59:00.002-05:00

I normally don't condone living in the "yesterdays" of life. We've screwed up too much for that to be an enjoyable way to live. That is why phrases like "fly by the seat of your pants" and "live in the moment" have become so powerful. It's typically better to look ahead than to look back.

But yesterday is important.

There are so many painful yesterday moments in my life, but if I hadn't lived through them, I wouldn't have the mind, the heart, the love, and the hope that I have *today*. So, I recommend taking some journeys through your yesterdays every once in a while, even if it means re-experiencing some of the pain. You will no doubt, re-experience some joys too.

Since yesterday (literally) I have been living in quite a few "yesterday" moments.

I have re-lived:

bumping into an old classmate (Andrea Morgan) at Johnathon's Bar & Grill while I was working there in 1996, not knowing she would die soon of cancer.
the last "i love you" from my Aunt Brenda before she died
my miscarriage in 2002
getting sent to the hallway during Civics with Shelley Stice in 9th grade because we were laughing too much in class
my first walk across Belmont University campus, to my first class, choking back the tears of joy and thankfulness
the first house I ever sold, on the lake in Hendersonville
the last ugly words my Dad spoke to me, and thus the last words
the precious note Spencer left me when he was 6, stating that he might have won 1,000,000 dollars from McDonalds, and if so, then we wouldn't have to worry about Mother's Day.
the first kiss from Joe
waking up in a dark and unfamiliar room realizing i had bargained with the devil, yet again
the day I got to meet Elizabeth Asher Bannister
the day I fell off of a galloping horse and shifted every bone in my body
digging with spoons, in the arkansas dirt, at my Mama's house
sleeping on the sleeping porch at my Grandma's old country house
hiking in Crested Butte with the hubs on his 40th birthday
the day Spencer told me about *eh hemmm* (can't tell you that)
the day Paul and I met
the day Paul died
dropping spencer off at his Dad's house for those dreaded visitations
the week mom and i spent in New England
the first orphans in Zim that I ever laid my sobbing eyes on
hearing "it's not you, it's me"
hearing "i will kill you if you don't do what i say"
dancing in the Senior Variety Show in 1988
the day the hubs lost his job
the day Asher was laid naked across my chest
the day Shawn was declared "different"
the first day i met my bible study girls
the day i moved away from my childhood neighborhood and friends
the day i accepted Christ

Today is today, not yesterday. But yesterday makes today a good day. All those yesterdays brought me here. "God blessed the broken road". Don't be afraid to remember yesterday.

Is there a "yesterday" you want to share?

Beautiful Delays

2010-06-22T08:03:00.004-05:00

This sweet little nugget...oh my goodness. I fall in love with him all over everyday, and that is not just a "feel good" statement. Sometimes I have faint memories of kids with special needs when I was a kid...and I can realize that God was preparing my heart all along to be this ones mommy.

Shawn is the baby. He is my 3rd child, my 3rd son. And because of Down syndrome, he is delayed in many areas. It took him longer to crawl and walk. He had to have his heart repaired when he was 2. He is 3 1/2 and still has speech delay.....but oh my WORDS! Shawnie is communicating so much. Two of his latest word discoveries are:

"mon" = c'mon
"turn" = my turn

Last week Shawn crawled in bed with me. He loves to lay his head on the pillow and cover himself up with the sheet. Not sure why, but to him this is a riot. He snuggled with me for a few minutes then rolled over, looked in my eyes and with a bright and anticipating smile, he said "MON!". In fact, he said it in rapid fire style about 5 times. Oh my heart.....Shawnie was asking me to come play. Specifically he wanted to watch Barney, aka "Marney".

Last night I was lying on my stomach. The boys like to take turns sitting on my back and then falling off. I know....it sounds like a thrilling theme park ride to me too. Anyhoo...Shawn plopped down on my back and proclaimed "TURN!". Seriously....he is getting it and it is so precious.

And finally, he is beginning to learn some letters of the Alphabet. In one of our books, he can point out the A for Asher. The N for nana. The M for Mommy. The D for Daddy. He is not quite getting the S yet. But be also knows O and U. Shawn absolutely loves to learn. His eyes light up when we count and when we sing. He is soaking in everything he possibly can.

Shawn is even deeply beginning to engage in playtime with other kids. A couple of times recently we've had many kids in our house. Even though they have all been bigger and and older than Shawn....he wants to be right smack dab in the middle of the chaos. Chasing and running is such a joyful experience for this boy. And it's delightful to watch.

**I'll update soon about my 3rd trip to Zimbabwe. I am still raising money and am far from my goal. Please help me return if you can, to serve Fatima and her orphans.

under water

2010-06-19T10:39:00.002-05:00

This boy is learning how to swim. I'm so thankful that after just 2 lessons his confidence was way up. By the 4th lesson he was jumping in with joy and showed marked improvement in his swim technique.....though still far from perfect. Today was lesson 7. Today I saw evidence of strength and maturity in this 5 year old. Whether under water with breath held, or on top of the water with a light and floaty drift......he is learning how to maneuver. He is learning that this swimming gig requires confidence, faith, strength and maturity. I hope he continues to learn this in each and every one of life's lessons.

I Think I Can...

2010-06-16T12:05:00.003-05:00

For whatever reason, day 4 of this calorie restricted diet is working for me. I believe that dieting is psychological. If we don't really believe it will work, we can't succeed. Belief is paramount to achieving anything. "I think I can" isn't just a popular line from a story about a train. It is the basis of all success.

I think I can....

lose 20 pounds
be a good mom
improve my relationship with my husband
sell more houses
launch a successful Skincare business
make you smile
buy a truck for Zimbabwe
give more money to my church
read the bible every day
hear from the Holy Spirit
combat demons
overcome my sin nature
make it to Heaven

I don't think I can

be perfect
get everything right all the time
scrapbook if i don't want to
be who you want me to be
have the body of a 20 year old
give up watching "the Bachelor"
eat a lot of fresh bread without "heavy" consequences
be a vegan
earn your approval
give up chocolate

I think I can believe there is a God who loves us and wants us.

Summer Stream of Consciousness

2010-06-15T14:30:00.003-05:00

I'm enjoying summer a little too much. Haven't showered in 2 days.

Ok, that's a lie. I am not enjoying summer. It is just too dang hot. But that 2 day thing, that part was true.

Asher is on day 5 of private swim lessons, and he is swimming like a fish who hasn't quite learned how to swim yet. Is there such a thing? He is really doing fabulously. And he loves it.

I am working on business business and more business. So very excited about Rodan & Fields skincare. And I'm enjoying a brief break from Real Estate. Well, I'm diving back in on Saturday....so not all that brief.

I'm on day 3 of a diet. You know. Again. But this time I am just cutting calories and I'm hoping this is the formula that works for me. Any suggestions.....I'd love 'em.

Shawnie is learning his ABC's. He Knows A, O and P. Hey....we will take what we can get from this sweet pea. He still blows my mind and rocks this world. Just.Can't.Get.Enough!

I'm doing a bible study on spiritual warfare. It is the perfect study for me right now. Amazing really.

Lastly, I'm still hoping to raise lots of funds to go back to Zimbabwe. I'd be so honored to have your help. Please email me with questions or suggestions.

SO I really want to know....do you love summer, hate summer, or are you one of those who doesn't even notice that the thick, heavy smell you sense when you walk outside is the whole worlds body odor? What is your summer like? G'head. You can tell me.

Mirror

2010-06-15T08:07:00.002-05:00

Rodan and Fields UH-MAY-ZING Skincare

2010-06-14T12:48:00.001-05:00

Skincare News

2010-06-12T09:27:00.002-05:00

I have a new blog specifically for my skincare business. Please visit. Go here!

Zim - times 3

2010-06-10T08:38:00.008-05:00

Before I ever left USA soil to go on my first mission trip, in my research I was made aware that there are a vast number of Christians who do not believe in doing International Missions. There were various complaints on the issue, including:

mission trips are just glorified vacations (short-term missions trips)
the money spent to travel could be better spent on purchasing essentials for the needy in those foreign countries
why travel out of the country when you could serve locally? (I do serve locally)
a one-week or two-week trip won't produce enough results in the lives of the people you travel to serve (dead wrong)

I guess we all know by now that we were all created with different hearts, spirits, minds, opinions, desires, talents, experiences. There are always going to be people who oppose the very thing you stand for. Always.

Before I went to Africa the first time, some lovely jerk (sorry) harrassed me on my now defunct Myspace page because he claimed I was just raising money for a safari vacation, and he challenged me to just send the money to Africa instead.

On my mission trip to the Dominican Republic, there was a great guy there from my church who admitted that he was basically only there to judge whether or not short term missions could produce anything positive. He quickly discovered he had been wrong about his harsh feelings on the subject.

The truth is, in my heart I feel like we should be serving everywhere at every opportunity we get. We can serve with love, with listening ears, with physical labor, and with money....just to name a few. But we are absolutely called in the Bible to spread the word of God to all of the nations. ALL of the nations. The bible also clearly talks about serving orphans and widows. It is printed in black and white, in the scriptures. Oddly, the Hebrew word for orphans and widows, is orphans and widows. And the greek word for nations, is nations. (Ha....I'm just sayin').

But here is what the bible doesn't say. It doesn't say that every American is supposed to adopt an orphan from China, or Africa, or Russia, or wherever. Although I'm sure God wouldn't be disappointed if we all did. Nor does it say that every single person who has ever believed in Jesus is supposed to get on a plane and fly to a foreign country to spread the gospel. The new testament does talk about the need for people to be hospitable toward the missionary traveler. It says to feed them, open your home to them, accomodate them, etc. (The Apostle Paul was a traveling missionary). (By the way, I do believe through scripture that we are all supposed to support orphans and widows, either by adoption, missions, money, food, or whatever. Not a single Christian is excused from looking after orphans or spreading the gospel).

It's like the football game. It requires an entire team to get the ball across the line. Some defend. Some assist. Some pass. Some catch. But only one can run with the ball at a time. And only one can cross the goal line to advance the score. For me, or any missionary to accomplish the specific mission God has placed in our spirits, a team is required. I need prayer warriors, I need people to encourage me and lift me up, and I need donors. A lot of donors. I affectionately call them "senders". If you have ever been one of my senders or the sender of anyone who was seeking to complete a mission for the Kingdom, you too are an essential part of the missionary team, in the same way that the defensive back makes it possible for the football to cross the goal line, even though he might not ever touch the ball.

I know for fact that short-term missions are not futile. Not when done with a heart for God. If I had not traveled to Zimbabwe in December of 2008, Fatima and her orphans would not have a new truck right now. My trip there led to real relationships, which led to recognition of a need, which led to a heart prompted by the spirit, which led to the generosity of 34 people to make it happen. The truck, that is. Fatima has a beautiful ministry, which has now been made possible to expand. (Yay God!)

That same experience led to 15 orphaned teenagers feeling like they have a momma in the USA now. They now have the experience of knowing that somebody loves them and cares for them, outside of their limited region (a region who has forgotten them). Our conversations have led to hope and love, which was not previously in abundant supply. And our path hasn't reached its end, so there is no telling how much more can be accomplished as a result of that first mission trip. Those kids are not allowed to leave their country. They cannot be adopted. Our long distance relationship with various short term visits is all that we are allowed to have. So, our time together is very very important. And there are Kingdom proportioned consequences.

If we could adopt these children, we would. But we cannot. It isn't permitted. I wondered for 2 years why God sent me to Zimbabwe. And now I know at least part of the reason. It was to meet them, care for them, support them and love them for the rest of my life, in any way that I can. Part of that is to visit them and love on them in person. It is good for them and it is good for me. No dollar amount could be assigned to the countless, immeasurable good things that have come out of these mission trips to Zim. The way I live my life has changed for the better. They way I view money has changed for the better. The heart that I serve with has been enlarged. My compassion is greater. My loyalty is stronger. My kids have a richer experience as a result of what I can pass down to them. The kids in Zim have been encouraged....and if you know anything about encouragement, it can be the catalyst for amazing accomplishments. Sometimes you just need to be told that you are believed in, and you can suddenly walk further. There is no way to predict what the hope and encouragement those kids have received will result for them. But I promise that it will be big. Bigger than without the hope and encouragement. It is true life change.

Can you help?

I need a lot of senders. I need tons of small donations and a couple of large ones. I'm asking you to give, and I am also asking you to think outside of the box. Maybe your friends could pitch in. Maybe you could ask your employer to help. Maybe you could collect all of your spare change and donate it. Involve your church or your bible study group. Sell something on ebay or craigslist. Forfeit going out to dinner for one month. Do you have frequent flyer miles you can donate??? I have $1,000 of my own money invested. I have received $175 from the first donor. Can you help me raise $5,000 more? I know that it is a lot of money, but I also know that this amount will be multiplied in Heaven's economy. I have seen it happen time and time again.

I need to raise this money by July 9th to travel in early August.

In advance, I am grateful for every dollar and dime. I am grateful for every mouth that prays, every heart that rejoices, every email that encourages. May grace abound!

So, who are my linebackers?

(paypal donate button top left, or checks can be mailed to me at 6840 Bridgewater Dr, Nashville, TN 37221)

James 1:27 "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

Please do not donate as an act of good will or to accomplish a good deed. Give for love. Give in faith, in the absolute knowing that your sacrifice will produce a return on your investment that cannot be measured on earth, but will outweigh the gold in Heaven. Give because you have faith in the one who died so that you may live. Give because you are in this world but not of this world. Give because the orphans are blessed by your giving, and because spectators are blessed and intrigued, and because families are changed and lives are saved. Do not give because you love me. Do not give because you want to help. Give because you want to be a blessing and because the greater blessing cannot occur without you. Give because you have faith. This is my humble, direct request.

My prayer:

Oh Father, my heart is filled with anxiety and dread when I know that you want it full of hope and love. My desire is to fulfill the works you prepared in advance for me, and for countless people to be touched in the process. I am seeking your heart and wisdom to take up residency in my soul and lead me to tomorrow. You are my guidance counselor, my redeemer, my healer, and my travel guide. You have stamped my footprints across the planet as your ambassador. You have breathed life into my lungs and injected your very spirit into my veins. My heart beats for you and because of you. My arms stretch high to your throne and out to the lost. My mouth wants only to speak words that encourage, soothe, and love. I am so full of gunk and junk that constantly needs purged and burned off. The ashes cry. I am so so so so sorry for the all the many ways that I fall short of your glory. I could never earn you nor deserve you. Thank you for giving me these beauties to love, Boaz, Lovejoy, Bestman, Sarah, Emily, Precious, Deborah, Boaz, Fatima, Theresa, Ruth, Bevie, Keldon, Kenneth, Richman, Richard, Abel and Layman. I want to love them with your heart, not mine, because mine is not lovely enough. Lord God, you know if I am to return to Zim or not. And if I am, then it is you who knows the how, when and why, and it is you that will make a way. Please Father do not send me if the time is not right. But please pour out the provision if it is. I praise your name Lord and I pray for immeasurable joy in the hearts of my senders. Make them known. In the life giving name of Christ Jesus, Amen.

Dirty Toes

2010-06-08T07:00:00.002-05:00

I traveled to a small town in Arkansas over Memorial Day weekend. This is an annual journey, as I have family there and so we gather. Usually it's a large group including my mom, most all of my living aunts and uncles, most of my cousins, and all of the youngest generation. This year much of my family wasn't able to be present, so I left my kiddos and the hubs at home and just journeyed with my oldest son and my mom. We were able to visit with all 3 of my moms brothers, my aunt Peg, and my cousin Stuart. It was a great time to just visit with adults. On one of the days there, my aunt Peg drove some of us to various cemeteries. I hadn't been in a very long time. My aunt Brenda died almost 8 years ago, so I guess that is how long it has been. I cannot even remember the last time I went just to take time to reflect and share stories. I really enjoyed it.

There is something incredibly beautiful and peaceful about an old country cemetery. Some of the old stones are worn and hard to read. For some reason, I enjoyed walking around and even reading the stones of people from other families. It is so hard to really grasp that someone could be enjoying life today and in the ground next week. It occurred to me that cemeteries are intended to be maintained forever. Our bodies will be in the ground longer than they walked the earth, no matter how old a person is when he/she dies. Nothing can really outlast a dead body. I guess that is why it is so important to us to have a peaceful place to rest those bones.

The house in the photo above was also a stop on our journey. I've been thinking about this place a lot since that weekend. I don't guess you can really call it a house anymore. The sides and the back of the house are completely gone. It is being held up by a tree. This is the house where my mom was born in 1942. And yes, she was actually delivered by a doctor inside this little house. It belonged to her grandparents, my great-grandparents. My mom was the firstborn of 8 kids. Her parents lived in St. Louis and I believe that my grandfather (her dad) was in the military, so her momma came home to Arkansas to be with her parents while she delivered her first baby. This home apparently was a popular hub of many visitors for many years. My mom, being the very first grandbaby, was adored. And this little house at the end of a gravel road, surrounded by God's impeccable beauty, was a haven and a playground for years to come. A few of her siblings have fond memories of this old country house.

I made my way onto the property that day by squeezing through some fence posts that I assume were designed to keep me out. There were orange lily's growing at the front. I observed acres and acres and acres of rolling hills as far as the eye could see. I truly could not get over the beauty of that land and the peacefulness surrounding. Other than the deterioration of the house itself, I imagine that the land and the surroundings can't look all that much different than when my mom was a little girl. I was so jealous in a good way, at the thought of how amazing it must have been a kid at that place back then. I imagined my mom and her other siblings running around that land and getting their little toes dirty. I'm a big fan of dirty toes on tiny feet.

My aunt Peg told me a great story about the last time my family members (without me) visited this old house. I think it was in 2009. They went inside what is left of the house and one of them peeled off a little piece of wallpaper to save as a keepsake. Behind the wallpaper was homemade insulation. I guess they would just collect newspapers and other paper products and compile layers of it on the wall over time for insulation. They found an envelope to my Mama from my Papa when they must have been newlyweds. They are buried together now in the old country cemetery, resting their bones.

What Gaylord Did

2010-06-03T07:40:00.003-05:00

My husband was not affected yesterday in the mass layoffs at the hotel. Well, I shouldn't say he wasn't affected, but he did not lose his job. Even I have been greatly affected and I don't even work there. Joe has been employed there for 4 1/2 years. Nearly a year ago he posted for a leadership position at one of the restaurants. I am so thankful that he did that. He has become a very respected part of the leadership team, and for this reason he still has a job.

I saw on the news last night where Gaylord originally made a promise that even though they were destroyed by the flood, that they would keep all of their employees on the payroll. I heard words like "broken promises". It's really sad to me that they are receiving such harsh criticism. Gaylord does put their employees first. It is the core of their business model. They strive to create happy employees with the belief that happy employees will be the platform for exceptional service, leading to happy customers. I have worked for corporations before where employees were more like slaves, not stars.

Did you know that hidden inside that hotel are secret places just for employees? There are game rooms (free) and lounges with TV's. The busiest restaurant in Tennessee is at the hotel, but you wouldn't know it. It is the restaurant for employees only. The meals are very good and they are free. That restaurant is open 24/7. Several times a year the hotel hosts employee events. They put on huge carnivals and picnics for staff and families. We go every year. They also turn ballrooms into movie theaters and host families for a fun evening, with pizza and popcorn. Just recently they took all of the chefs to Arrington Vineyards to celebrate them.

One of the things that I have loved hearing about Gaylord from Joe is about the special needs employees. One of Joe's employees is blind. He also has a couple of employees with mental disabilities. I absolutely love an environment where the physically and mentally challenged are given a fair shot at independence. I love Gaylord for this.

I believe in the beginning when they stated after the flood that they would keep everyone on the payroll, that many people confused this to mean everyone would continue to get paid. Those 2 things are not the same. Remaining on the payroll means continuing to qualify for benefits, etc. With their huge loss of revenue coupled with the vast expense to restore....there is no economical way it makes sense to pay everyone for not working, for 6 months. Right away the employees were told they would be paid through 6/12. 6/12 is 6 weeks beyond the flood. Even though 1,700 people lost their jobs yesterday, I believe they still have 30 more days of income. It is heartbreaking and devastating because jobs are hard to come by these days. And for many of these people it was a double blow, because they lost their homes too.

Joe continues to go to work 5 days per week. He is happy to be shuffled around doing whatever needs to be done. He still manages to feed the employees that are there. He helped in physical clean up. He helps in banquets to carry out catering obligations that were already booked. We are so thankful that they actually need him during this restoration period.

I just hate to see Gaylord criticized for not being able to do what they originally said to the media. The internal work force has known all along that their jobs might end of 6/12. The general public didn't know, but the stars did. Yesterday wasn't a shock to most of them, if even any of them. Even we were mentally and emotionally preparing for a job loss under our roof....because there were never any guarantees.

Gaylord has even reached out into the community and helped many of their employees get other jobs. I believe they are doing everything that they can, and I also believe that they genuinely care.

Yesterday when Joe got home there was a basket that had been delivered to our door. It was a thank you basket from Gaylord for his service and hard work since the flood. They didn't have to do that. He didn't even lose his job. I think they are truly feeling a deep desire to show their appreciation to their valued leaders for their dedication and their adaptation to working in something that is nowhere near normal.

Thank you to all who have been concerned for us. We feel safe now. But I ask that you remember the others in your prayers. A lot of hard working families will be devastated.

Lessons From Mrs. Pac Man

2010-06-01T09:00:00.002-05:00

When I was a kid in the 80's, I handled the video game craze with a lot of intensity. I'm talking pre-Atari. My neighborhood friends and I used to walk to the local Kwik Sak and play Mrs. Pac Man, Frogger, Centipede, and some of those space ones.

I do not react very well to being chased. I never have. When I was a kid, if someone was chasing me for play, my mind and body together experienced way too much anxiety. Oddly, my experience playing Mrs. Pac Man was no different. The object is for the Pac Man to eat all of the dots on the screen, and avoid getting killed by the 4 ghosts who were chasing it. There were 4 opportunities on each level for the Pac Man to kill the ghosts. My strategy was simple.....eat the dots, forget the ghosts. It sounds fine until the take the score into consideration. You don't score very well if you don't kill the ghosts. You can run forever. You can eat the dots. And you can advance levels. But unless you eat the ghosts, you do all of this with very little reward. This is the run and survive method.

As a kid playing that game, I can remember my friends would stand and watch me and they would scream for me to get the ghosts. They got it. They knew that method would give me a higher score. I still didn't care. I just wanted to survive.

4 weeks ago when Nashville flooded, I bought the Mrs. PacMan app for my iPhone. I am not into video games whatsoever. I did this because I needed something to occupy my mind because my thoughts were toxic. I learned something about myself immediately when I began playing Mrs. PacMan to distract my thoughts. I am no longer running from ghosts just trying to survive. Amen. Now I attempt to precisely move through life, conquer the ghosts, and advance to the greatest treasure that I can possibly accumulate. Sometimes now, I will face that ghost head on, move right toward it, and then cut it off at the pass, in an effort to win extra fruitful treats along the way. Oh, did I not mention the fruit? Mrs. PacMan also has fruit with very high values. Fruit. Fruitful stuff. The fruit only shows up on occasion and it's important to be fruitful to improve your score.

The other thing I learned from my Mrs. PacMan app on my iPhone is that it is all mine. I'm not competing with anyone. I'm just always trying to outdo myself. There is no spirit of competition. I'm just trying to be fruitful.

I wish there were a Donkey Kong app for my iPhone. I did use to enjoy throwing barrels on the heads of the oppressors.

Yet More Lessons From My Flower Garden

2010-05-31T14:12:00.002-05:00

Today I had to remove a gorgeous flowering plant from my flower garden. Sad but necessary.

I wish I could tell you what this plant is called but I have no clue. I knew 5 years ago, but so much has happened since then and my brain is constantly having to kick out old info to make room for new. I wish my brain were spongier.

I have about 12-13 flowering plants in my garden. Last summer, one of them grew to about 10 times the sizes of all the others, and began to overshadow the entire garden. It was bigger than any of my bushes. It made no sense. It offends in many ways. It makes the rest of my flower garden difficult for me to see and enjoy. It prevents some of the other flowers from getting sunlight. It is as if it wants the entire flower bed to itself. It is the attention seeker....and because of its large presence, everything else is almost hidden.

I hated to....I really really did, but I knew that for me to get my garden back to a a reasonable balance, I would need to remove the flowering plant that was taking over. For now I have just cut it way down, so later I can just dig it up and plant it somewhere else....hopefully successfully. As I was working in the garden this morning my mind was going a million places, as usual. I had the thought that I never considered I would need to uproot anything from my garden other than weeds. Meaning, I never thought I'd have to cut down a good thing. The plant itself wasn't bad, there was just too much of it and it was creating negative outcomes.

When we analyze our lives and re-evaluate aspects of it from time to time, I think we'd all agree there are times we have to eliminate some bad stuff from our lives. We are either reading too many celebrity mags, watching too much TV, eating too many sweets (except chocolate of course), spending too much time on the internet, coveting our neighbors blow up Christmas Elmo too intently, not praying enough, etc. I can actually think of about 700 more things which is frightening....as there is far too much opportunity to participate in bad habits. Those bad habits are the weeds. Those suckers need to be yanked out by the root, and possibly treated with some weed prevention agent to protect the health of the good plants. But when we think about making changes in our lives, I don't think we often stop to consider that there can be too much of a good thing crowding out and overshadowing other many "would-be" good things. When we allow one thing in our lives to get too big and take over, we are possibly preventing the sun from shining on the other things that need to grow.

If we focus everything on our children, then our marriages may suffer. If we nurture and feed career but neglect the family, from where will it get its nourishment? When we drop everything to run to the aid of a friend, but fail to see that someone in the family needs a bandage, infection may set in. When we bank all of our future on one ability, you could wake up one morning to find out that the dog pee'd on your biggest plant and its no longer the focal point of the garden.

I cut down a beautiful plant today. It was healthy. It was blooming. And it was right where I intended for it to be all along. But it began to threaten the potential of everything else around it.

Sometimes you have to reevaluate the good things, make adjustments, and nurture what has been neglected.

The Actual Big Announcement - final installment

2010-05-29T05:00:00.003-05:00

I am officially a new consultant for the Rodan & Fields Skincare solutions. Dr. Katie Rodan and Dr. Kathy Fields are the world-renowned dermatologists who created the hugely popular and successful ProActive. They have created 4 other incredible skincare regiments to treat either (1) aging (2) acne (3) sensitve skin (i.e. rosacea) and (4) sun-damage.

I was skeptical at first because of my clinical skincare experience. I love these products and am frankly blown away. The doctors have created a direct selling format similar to that of Mary Kay or Pampered Chef to empower others to go out and create successful businesses. The big difference is a dermatological quality product strictly for skincare. The opportunities are endless. The format is flexible. The earning potential is unlimited. The free time is available. These products were briefly sold in high end retail stores and flew off the shelves.

So what now?
- I am seeking customers
- I am seeking referrals for people who need or desire quality skincare
- I am seeking referrals for people who want to build a wildly exciting and lucrative business
- I am recruiting a sales team

Some of the most exciting testimonies I have heard involve both men and women who tried this part-time and were quickly earning more than enough income to quit their day jobs. Why? This is new. The company is barely into its 2nd year. The earlier you enter into this opportunity, the more successful you can be and the more rapidly you can build wealth. None of which would be worth it if the products were not amazing.

I have samples.

Want some?

You can visit my 2 websites to learn more.

The product website is www.melissairwin.myrandf.com

The business website is www.melissairwin.myrandf.biz

All products come with a money back guarantee. You can't beat that.

At some point each day as I ponder this new venture, use the products and discuss with my mentor, I think....wow....God really had a reason for leading me down such varied paths. I have been ridiculed in the past by some of my peers for having my hands in too many pots....but you know...I was always either following my heart, following opportunity, or following God. He has kept it quite interesting for me....and i cannot even begin to express the immense value and wealth of knowledge and experience I have gained up to now.

Earlier this year I was truly stressing out about what I would do....what I would have to do to change my schedule to be home with my boys every afternoon when school lets out and on the weekends. I was feeling hopeless and sad about my alternatives. It wasn't long before the kids in Zimbabwe let me know they were praying for me....for all kinds of things that I wasn't even praying for myself. When my dearest, long-time friend, Debbie, called me to tell me she had this opportunity and that it was perfect for me, I nearly fainted. After meeting with her and some others who are in the business SEVERAL times I became convinced that it is my next path.

So, that's it. I took this journey through my career history and I brought you with me because it is special to me to look in the rear view and see how God weaves journeys and crosses paths and clears the way.

I'm feeling incredibly excited and blessed.

Big Announcement - part 6

2010-05-29T05:00:00.000-05:00

I said there was one thing that Real Estate can't do for me, but there are really 2.

For one thing, in the foreseeable future, Real Estate cannot free up my weekends. Nope. Most buyers want to look at houses on weekends, understandably. And most open houses, if not all, occur on Sundays. The remaining buyers want to look at houses on weeknights after 5pm. This is all well and good in spurts, but it is not healthy to spend every weekend away from my family. I had my children on purpose, to be their mommy. My Tater Tot will be going to Kindergarten this fall. No more daytime weekday bonding for us.

Another thing real estate cannot do for me is offer consistency. If I want to work hard, I can grow wealth. If I want to relax, I go broke. I have been around hundreds of Realtors on a regular basis. We are some of the most uptight people in the world. Everything in our lives seems to revolve around our pending sales. I like to believe that I don't exactly fit that mold because I value many things in life more than a paycheck....but those paychecks are pretty important too.

I have been presented an opportunity. It is an opportunity that will ironically:
- allow me to serve people the way they want to be served
- recruit and train motivated entrepreneurs
- encourage and inspire people to grow wealth and then manage it
- teach and train
- provide a healthy clinical solution for taking care of skin
- sell
- reclaim my weekends to be a more present and mild mannered mommy
- work hard for a few years to build the business & then relax but continue to earn forever

I am so excited about what is coming up for me. I will share more details tomorrow. But for now, I am not quitting real estate. I will continue to be a Realtor because I love it, but I will work with fewer clients per year and I will refer the rest to an amazing network of other, like-minded agents. The remainder of 2010 will be a packed year for me....the scaling back will begin January 2011.

Big Announcement - part 5

2010-05-28T05:00:00.000-05:00

I was selling real estate, but it was very part-time and very inconsistent. Joe was unemployed also so we had to face reality. One of us, no matter which one, HAD to get a Jay Oh Bee.

I was first.

I HATED to return to the corporate world. It crushed me. I had been working part-time since Asher had been born and I would have to return full-time to a "boss" and corporate ladder climbing beasts. Arghh...just to think about it even today makes me cringe. Some people do this and love it and it works. I have just known for decades that it wasn't for me. I got the job. I would be working for attorneys again. And while I was a perfect fit for them, they were not a perfect fit for me. Two months later Joe got a job...a GREAT one with a perfect schedule and great benefits. Praise the Lord. I stayed a little longer and 2 crazy things happened. I began to get more real estate leads and I also got pregnant with Shawn. Buh-bye corporate world. It's been real!

Don't misunderstand me, a lot of my very dear and wonderful friends work in the corporate world. They are entitled to do what they love. I just knew it wasn't for me. I desired to be my own boss. I needed to be my own boss. I thrive at being my own boss. And I succeed.

Over the years of switching from financial services to real estate to skincare back to corporate back to real estate, I have mostly heard incredibly encouraging statements of affirmation. I have had friends that think it is awesome that I am versatile and well-rounded. Many friends and associates find it interesting and maybe even courageous. But there have always been 2 voices in my head that tell me I'm wishy washy or that I don't know what I want. I even had one good friend tell me in the past that she found my job hopping to be an unattractive character trait, and she soon ended our very long term friendship. She of course did nothing like what I did. She started as a teenager as a file clerk with a company. She later advanced into management. She later married one of the sales people and then started a twin company, which she later sold. Now she is wealthy and retired. All the while, she pushed a product she knew nothing about. I respect her dedication to one job. I admire that she turned a clerical job into a fortune. That is amazing! This is what makes the world so interesting. Some people are motivated by comfort and familiarity. Some people are motivated by money. Some are motivated by creativity and versatility. And some are motivated by knowledge and intellect. Others are motivated by control (or the illusion of).

I am motivated by service. I love to teach, train and positively affect the lives of others. I am motivated by "the sky is the limit". The amount of real estate I sell is up to me. It is up to me to further my knowledge. It is up to me to provide exceptional service. It is up to me to be creative and think outside the box when road blocks pop up. It is up to me to earn referrals. Real estate affords me flexibility with my schedule during the day (at least). It is exciting and rewarding, and it is a respectable income. Even though I practiced skincare for 4 years, I have sold real estate for a total of 9 years. The last 5 have been full-time.

There is only one thing Real Estate does not do for me.

....to be continued....

I interrupt the Big Announcement - for a Big Announcement

2010-05-27T14:03:00.004-05:00

I received an email today from Fatima's assistant. It included a letter to me and everyone who helped. As I have changed computers, I only had the email addresses of 15 people to forward it to. There are 17 more of you whose addresses I need to get onto this computer somehow..(somehow meaning that I am swamped...not that I don't know how).

If you were a donor and did not get that email from me today, please quickly email me and I will reply back to you with a copy of the letter. otherwise, we might have to wait until after the weekend for me to gather them all.

I love you all....all who helped, all who prayed, and all who cheered me on. Our God is mighty! And He likes big blue trucks, y'all.

I love Him too.

your grateful friend,

melissa gail ishmael irwin